The Sound of Ice

41

It rains forever. This happens every spring, it just rains non-stop for days. Hailey loves it. She puts on her boots and raincoat and splashes around outside.

The loud pounding of the rain against the car windows just gives Ethan an excuse to turn the radio up louder. 

"I'm gonna miss this," he says, stretching out in the passenger seat on the way to practice. 

"Don't get all sappy," I say.

"Have you been sleeping?"

"Yeah, Mom." I glance at him and feel bad. "I mean, yeah. Okay, I guess."

"You ready for the game tomorrow?"

"You bet."

Ethan adjusts his baseball hat and nods along to the beat of the song. "Luke was talking bad about you today," he says suddenly. "At school."

"Okay."

"Should I tell you that? Are you mad?"

I pull up to a red light, the brakes squeaking, and relax my grip on the steering wheel. "No," I say, switching the windshield wipers to a faster setting. "I'm not mad."

Ethan studies me. "You're definitely mad."

"Shut up." I stare at the light until it turns green. It finally does. 

I guess I am still mad. It's not like people have stopped talking about me. I hate going online. 

fag

Yeah, well, fuck those anonymous comments. And fuck Luke, too. But my heart doesn't beat as fast when I get fan mail, and I feel like the wave of attention on me has died down in the past few weeks. I'm just here to play hockey. And be myself, whatever that means. 

"Anyway," says Ethan. "I shoved Luke and told him off. He's always been a prick. Why were we ever friends with the guy?"

"Good question."

"Yeah, good question. What a piece of shit. And he sucked at hockey."

"He was the worst."

"The absolute worst."

I smile, and Ethan does too. We're both wearing our St. Anne Lions sweatshirts, navy blue and soft on the inside. 

~

I stuff my hands in my pockets and rock on my toes, the grass damp and dewy beneath my sneakers. Above me, the sky is scattered with stars. Faint smoke is spilling from the factory down the block, but besides that, the night is clear. It's the first night it hasn't rained in days.

Sam adjusts the telescope for Hailey, who leans into it enthusiastically. Behind me through the window, I can see Mom cleaning up in the kitchen.

"The constellation you're looking at is Orion," says Sam. "See it? It's in the shape of a hunter."

"I see it! I see it!" says Hailey, even though part of me thinks she's just saying that.

"Two of the brightest stars make up part of Orion - one of the stars is named Betelgeuse. It's around 20 times more massive than the sun."

"That's really big."

"The immense heat consumes the original hydrogen, so in a way, it fuses the atoms together to make helium and create energy. It then fuses the helium to create heavier elements, like iron, until the star can no longer produce energy in the core. Without reactions in the core, gravity causes the core to collapse, creating a neutron star. A titanic explosion then happens in the star's outer layers, known as a supernova..." he trails off and glances at me. 

Even in the dark, I can see he's blushing a bit. I like it when he talks about things like that. Information is just on the tip of his tongue, he doesn't even have to think about it, and his voice gets so rich and woven and interested. 

"Wow," I say, even though I have no idea what he just said. 

"Wow," Sam agrees, and smiles. I take his hand. 

"I want to be a scientist," says Hailey, still peering into the telescope. She's wearing her favorite yellow rain jacket."I like space."

"Me too, Hailey," says Sam. Standing so close to him, I can smell the clean soap he uses, and I want to kiss him. 

"I really like space," says Hailey, and I look up. I don't look away from the vast night sky until my neck starts to hurt.

~

I shift my heavy backpack on my back and step through Sam's front door, the knob smooth and faded under my hand.

"Sam?" I call. "Shit, I totally forgot about a math packet I have to do and it's due tomorrow. Mrs. Godfrey, I swear that women is making the class harder even though midterms are over and we're all seniors in the class, except for like, two people..." I shut the door behind me and glance around the room. 

"Hi, Cameron."

Tom's voice makes me jump, and he walks out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee in his hand. Well, more like limps, really. His voice is strained, and he looks skinnier.

"Tom!" I say. "I'm sorry, Sam told me just to come in. We were going to study."

"That's okay," says Tom, sitting down on the couch and wincing slightly. He's wearing a faded plaid shirt that looks too big on him. "I sent Sam out to the grocery store. He should be back soon. You want to have a seat?"

I sit down in the armchair and set my backpack against the coffee table. "Um," I say slowly. "How have you been?"

"Great," says Tom, smiling weakly. He runs his hand over his chin, which is covered in a thin layer of grey stubble. He looks paler, too. I haven't seen him in weeks. "The treatment is going well."

"That's good," I say, sitting on my hands. 

"And I'm a fighter, eh, Cameron?" He chuckles weakly. "Sam is worried."

"Yeah."

"You need to tell that boy to relax. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"Yeah. I mean, I will."

Tom sighs and leans back on the sofa. "You're good for him, you know."

"Really?" 

"Just tell him to relax, more. He needs to relax." Tom's eyes shut, and he sighs again.

Sam is good for me. Sam is good for me. I didn't know I was good for Sam, too. I smile, even though Tom can't see me.

"He really loves you," I say, but Tom's breathing is long and deep and I guess he's asleep. I wonder what kind of medicine he's taking. I wonder if cancer hurts a lot. 

It starts to rain again, soft at first, then growing louder and steadier against the windowpanes. I sit in the messy living room with Tom for ages, glancing around at old family pictures on the wall until Sam gets home, drenched with water. 

A/N I love you readers