Super Rich Kids

I Was Broken

 A/N Trigger warning. I apologize. I don't know what I'm doing to myself. I love you guys; Vote, comment (good or bad), share? idk. <3 

March 30, 2014

I haven’t been able to get my mind off all the burdensome issues at hand and lately I haven’t been able to cooperate with Thomas’ attempt to cheer me up. Cassie had admitted to being jealous, making Thomas feel guilty for spending so much more time with me alone but it was understandable, having feelings for someone and wanting to be with them; so I wouldn’t let Thomas make me feel guilty anymore for stealing him away the majority of the time.

I knew it had been wrong for wanting him to pay attention to me but I wanted to feel like I was there, physically and mentally. I’ve isolated myself so much that I literally dreaded going outside to soak up the beautiful sunny day and to absorb vitamin C but I waved it off as another opportunity to get burned. None of them understood my contradicting arguments; I didn’t either.

My fingers lightly traced the side of my arm, I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was doing but I knew I had to keep my hands busy; if it meant the bad thoughts being locked at the back of my mind, I didn’t mind.

I haven’t been able to contact Matt, every call went unanswered and so did every text. I didn’t understand why he let me see Aria the first night. Was he making a statement? Did he want me to know it was my fault that this had happened to his little sister, to my Aria; I’ve felt such possession when I realized that she was like my Riley. Her fresh face making everything seem beautiful around her and suddenly, taken away by a mere accident that cost their life; almost Aria’s.

“We’re going to the park… you wanna come?” Cassie asked, she gave me a sympathetic look, her brown brows slanting downward as she took in my appearance and posture.

“I’m fine,” I tried to smile but realizing it wasn’t the question she asked. Her face turned, looking over to Thomas and I could hear their inner monologues, hoping they wouldn’t make themselves feel guilty.

“Bay…” Thomas asked, his voice was careful, it sounded as if he was tiptoeing around a specific subject, knowing it was something I don’t want to talk about.

“I said I’m fine… go. Go to the park, I might catch up later,” they sighed reluctantly, knowing there was nothing they can do to change my mind, even if they tried. I was stubborn in that sense and I just wasn’t feeling it after all the energy had been drained from me.

They both left without uttering another word, I was glad they did. The silence in the small apartment grew and chills from nowhere shot through my spine and made me shiver, the warming glow that shone through the windows inexplicably disappeared and was replaced by a heavy burden flitting through the air.

I knew that my longing for some sort of attention was soon to crumble but I didn’t expect it to be so soon.

My sudden tendency to check the clock became a paranoid thought in the back of my mind wondering how much time I had left with this misery in my heart; the heavy feeling of it like a brick sitting idle on all four chambers, waiting for the blood flow to cutoff.

I wasn’t sure what it was that my body wanted but my mind wanted to forget it all. My mind wanted to ease the pain that my heart was going through. My lungs were enclosing on themselves and it was only a matter of time until I suffocated.