Skinny Hips // Ashton Irwin

twenty four // awkward and alone in the kitchen

//Annie//

Although neither of us ever actually said it, we both knew we were in a relationship of some sorts. We both knew that seeing other people was off limits, and that we were both very in-to each other. 

So when Ashton spent the next three days after the incident trying to get me out of bed, trying to feed me, singing to me, lying with me, having a one-sided conversation with me when the one-side was him, nobody was really surprised; other than me.

Having someone by my side other than Kieran was never something I was used to until I befriended this group of boys. Having someone by my side who loved me was never something I experienced.

It was day four, 1:00 in the afternoon when Ashton's bedroom door creaked open. Sweat stuck my clothes to my body and grease stuck my hair to my head as I hadn't left bed, literally, for four days now for anything other than to use the toilet, but only after everyone had gone to sleep.

"Annie? Good morning, I made toast and cereal," Ashton hummed hopefully as he stepped in to the room, kicking the door shut behind him. As he did every morning, he left the food sitting on the bed right under my nose, pulled open the curtains and the blinds and threw open the window, letting in the sound of birds and the feeling of sunlight hitting my body.

"So, what do you say? Do you want to get up today?"

I did. Oh God, I did. I wanted to get up, but although I finally wanted to get out of bed and finally take a shower, there was still something stopping me. As if I had been tied down to the bed.

My stomach grumbled as the smell of toast slid up my nose, almost feeling euphoric. I wanted a bit. Just the smallest bite. A bite of toast wouldn't kill me, it would be great.

Slowly, ignoring Ashtons glare, I slid my hand from under the covers and took the toast between my weak and shaky fingers, slowing lifting it to my face and taking a bite from the corner. Ashton watched, amazement taking over his features but I ignored it, knowing the last thing I needed was praise.

I took another bite as I watched Ashton lean against the windowsill, his hair blowing ever so slightly with the breeze. The sunlight hit his back and the feeling of it on my face felt gross yet great all at once.

"Could you..." I choked, my voice horse from the lack of using it, "run me a shower? I'll be in in two minutes, please?"

Without hesitation, Ashton nodded. He left the room swiftly and as soon as he did, I continued to eat. I ate everything he gave me and almost felt sick afterwards.

It wasn't long until Ashton came back in to the room with two towels in one hand and a change of clothes, clean socks, underwear and a bra for me in the other. Leaving the plate on the floor I slowly and groggily pulled myself out of bed. I felt disgusting and could only imagine how much worse I looked, yet Ashton still shot me a smile and kissed my forehead.

"Toothbrush and toothpaste is on the sink, deodorant and your perfume on the window sill, shampoo and conditioner in the top drawer and a hairbrush in the bottom. You good to go?" Ashton said, smiling with every word. I nodded, took the items from him and rushed to the bathroom, dropping everything on to the toilet lid before rushing to the sink.

The first thing I did was turn on the cold tap and splash the water on to my face, washing off the oil and grease that had built up. Next, I pealed my clothes off of my body and dropped them in to the washing basket. And then I looked in the mirror.

My face had slightly broken out with a few spots around my nose, chin and forehead. My hair was greasy from my roots down to almost my temples, sticking to my head. And the rest of me was disgusting.

I instantly felt like shit again after looking at my naked body but climbed in to the shower nonetheless, finally knowing what was good for me. 

I instantly felt refreshed once I got out, a nicer smell clouding my body instead of the smell of BO and dirty hair. 

After brushing my hair I threw it in to a towel before wrapping another one around my body and staring at the mirror again, after washing everything and shaving everywhere I felt ten times nicer in my body than I did that morning, no more grease and sweat and grime. In a drawer below the sink I found a tub of moisturizer and used it all over my face, not bothering to find out who it belonged to and ask first.

As soon as I felt I was dry enough I began to change in to the clothes Ashton had picked out for me. Underwear and bra--matching, of course--a lose low-cut black tank top so my bra was visible, along with my rib-cage, and to pull it all off, a pair of shorts. I didn't know if he had purposely chosen this outfit so I had to show off my body or not but I didn't care; for once, I was not sweating.

As soon as I was dressed I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment longer, pointing out every part of myself that I hated in my mind. My breathing picked up a bit and I thought back to about an hour ago when I ate the entire plate of food that Ashton had made for me and instantly began to feel disgusting again.

Before I could stop myself I had my fingers down my throat and was vomiting in to the toilet. The moment was a blur; it always is. 

I washed my mouth out with water from the tap, brushed my teeth and made my way back downstairs, putting on my infamous 'nothing is wrong' face.

From the sitting room I heard the voices of two bickering boys. Stepping inside, I watched Calum and Luke bicker and talk over each other about what seemed to be bills. They both looked up at the sound of the living room door creaking, their eyes almost seeming to grow at the sight of me.

"Annie," Calum muttered, "you're up. Hey!"

Both him and Luke pulled me in for a hug as I stepped in to the room. Luke ruffled my hair as I stepped away and I playfully slapped his hand away, laughing along with the two of them. An awkward silence filled the room and I could tell they needed to get back to their conversation.

"Where's Ash?" I asked, the first and only excuse that came to mind. 

"Kitchen," Luke confirmed, nodding towards the room. I smiled at him thankfully and left them to their bickering, shutting the door behind me.

Ashton was sat at the island, putting jelly on sandwiches and putting sandwiches in tinfoil. He too paid attention to me once he heard the door shut, smiling at the sight of me. "Hey, love."

He gestured for me to come closer and I did, stepping in to his personal sandwich-making space. He positioned me between his legs and pulled me in to a hug. "You smell great."

"For once," I laughed, brightening up the mood a bit. He chuckled along with me as he pressed a kiss to my shoulder and pulled back, his eyes darting all over me.

"You look good, too." He rubbed his hand up and down my arm carefully, his voice low and soft. I smiled, my face automatically jolting downwards as I did so.

"So, uh," he spoke again, "I gotta go to collage, the guys are coming. Michael's gonna be staying home today though, he hasn't got classes. I was thinking we should talk later about school and going back and stuff?"

He didn't wait for me to answer and I didn't give him one. He stood from his stool and walked around me, grabbing his lunch and bag and turning back to me. He cupped my face with his hands and smiled softly. "I'll see you later, yeah? Stay safe." Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to my lips that I returned before he left with Calum and Luke, leaving me stood awkwardly and alone in the kitchen.