JUAN

Southern Plan

The car parked and Juan grabbed Sexy Beast. Juan had whispered him the plan about 5 minutes before. However, when he looked out the window, he noticed he was on a landing strip surrounded by about 50 armed guards with their guns trained at the car.

"Abort mission!" screeched Juan.

"I told you to shut up." yelled back Ms. Hierba. "Let's go boys."

Hierba grabbed their handcuffs and lead them inside a huge warehouse at the end of the landing strip. It was dark inside and there were giant boxes lining each wall. Ms. Hierba walked to the far wall and opened one of the boxes.

"Get in boys. This is your new cell."

"Aye no I'm claustrophobic!" screamed Juan.

"Even better." cackled Hierba.

She pushed them in through the door and closed it. It was empty except for a lantern. Daddy turned it on and the box became slightly lighter.

"Juan me booty, grab that chainsaw!" yelled Daddy.

"What chainsaw?"

"That one over there me booty."

"Sexy Beast, you're hallucinating. There is no chainsaw."

"No Juan, it's RIGHT THERE."

"Oh."

Juan grabbed the large chainsaw sitting in the middle of the box and pulled the string to start it.

"WE'RE BUSTING OUT OF THIS JOINT!" screamed Juan and Sexy Beast in unison.

The wall broke down and the duo started running. They got out of the warehouse and were on the airstrip. All the guards were gone except one and he was facing the opposite direction.

They ran into the woods and didn't stop until they reached a stream.

"Get some water Sexy Beast. I'll guard the area."

"Alright me booty."

Juan positioned himself near a tree and leaned back so he looked cool.

"Got any sunglasses?" yelled Juan

"No me booty, we're in the middle of a gosh darn forest."

"I've got sunglasses." whispered an unknown voice.

Juan screamed.

"WHO THE FLEEBER JEEBER ARE YOU?!?" screamed Juan.

A man in sunglasses and a suit emerged from the tree Juan was leaning against.

"I'm Ted Cruz, but most people call me the Zodiac Killer."

"please don't hurt me" whimpered Juan.

"Oh honey I ain't gone' hurt you none."

"Aye why do you talk all Southern?"

"Cause I'm a Southern man with a Southern plan."

"What's that supposed to mean."

Ted was about to answer when Sexy Beast returned from the stream. He screamed.

"Juan me booty who is this man?!"

"It's just the Zodiac Killer Sexy Beast. He doesn't want to hurt us."

"Ah, continue" said Daddy.

"Well as I's sayin', I gots a Southern plan. I be wantin' to turn all them resteruants in the Uuuunited States into funky fried chicken joints. Uh-huh, yes sirree mama. Y'all in?"

Juan and Beast exchanged glances and nodded.

"I guess." said Juan. "Where do we start?"

"Oh honey, y'all's trainin' starts tomorro'. Git some rest to prepare yo'self."

"Oh...okay. By the way, if you're the Zodiac Killer, why don't you want to hurt us?"

"Sugar, I gave that life up a loooooong time ago. When my girls was born, I knew I can't be up n' killin' folks whenever I like. I left that in tha past child."

"Good answer my señor."

"Now what's a señor?"

"It's a title I give to people that deserve the highest respect."

"Aw sugar that's too sweet. Now y'all go git some rest now. There's a long day ahead o' ya."

Will Juan help Ted Cruz with his "Southern Plan?" Find out more in the next installment of JUAN!