JUAN

Burro de Drogas

The sassy lady police took Juan and Sexy Beast and put them in the back of her car.

"What's wrong with this prison?" asked Sexy Beast. "We're already here."

"I can't put y'all back in a place you'll feel comfortable. Nope. We're taking you to NY state prison."

"But...but ma'am... Please don't do it! I'll give you anything!"

"You got any information on some cold cases? That could win some favor with me."

"Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer!" blurted Juan.

"Mr. Martinez we are well aware of that. Now shut up."

Juan whimpered and tried to chew through his handcuffs.

"Juan me booty, it will be okay." comforted Daddy. "I will protect you like I should have done all these years. I'm sorry for leaving you alone and leaving your mami to raise you."

"It's okay Sexy Beast." sniffled Juan. "I love you."

"I love you too Juan."

Juan and Sexy Beast fell asleep in each other's embrace. It was a beautiful sight, true bonding of father and son. All the lost years while Daddy was in prison were being made up in the car. Both were dreaming of fake memories they could have had with each other if Daddy had only been able to control his gosh darn cereal cravings.

3 hours later, Juan and Daddy woke up. They were still in the car.

"I thought we were going to the New York State prison..." questioned Juan.

"Oh boys..." chuckled the sassy lady police officer. "You still think you're going to prison? And you still think I'm a cop? That's cute."

"Who are you then..?"

"Just call me Hierba Droga."

"Isn't that Spanish for Weed Drug?"

"You knew that? I didn't expect a Mexican to be able to speak Spanish."

"Is that sarcasm?"

"No."

"So...yes?"

"No."

"Well where are you taking us anyway?"

"Don't you get it? You too are the first drug mules of my new operation. No one will ever know you're gone. I'm a genius!"

"Wait...what?"

"Sorry, you are burros de drogas. I thought you two spoke English."

"Um, yeah, yeah, cool... Wait that's racist."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course Ms.Hierba." But Juan, like his mother, was a liar. He was not listening to Ms.Hierba. He was devising a new plan to bust him and his father out of the car.

"How much longer until we get there Ms.Hierba?" asked Juan politely.

"20 minutes. Now shut up before I steal another one of your prison tacos."

"You're... you're Salvador?"

"Nope, just messing with ya. I've read your record. Whoowhee, you're a strange one all right. How about that time you shoved your head in a toilet and insisted the paramedics use Vaseline to get it out? That was a good one."

"I WAS AT THE HEIGHT OF MY VASELINE ADDICTION OKAY? I NEEDED MY FIX. I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT."

"Geez boy. I told you to shut your mouth."

Juan stopped talking and thought about his plan. He was going to grab Sexy Beast when the car parked and run as fast as possible in whatever direction had the most trees. He wished he had stuck to his cardio workouts but his previous training would have to do.

Will Juan and Daddy escape? Find out in the next installment of JUAN!