JUAN

Pink

"Stay here. I'll be back." warned Zodiac. "I'll have to find a nice method to brutally murder you two. One that involves the most torture possible. I'm thinking...John Cena..."

"What do you mean you're thinking John Cena? That wonderful man has done nothing wrong." yelled Juan.

"That's what you think." mumbled Zodiac as he ran off to put his nefarious plan into action.

"Aye Pop, what will we do?" cried Juan. "I have no plan."

"It's okay me booty. Remember that chainsaw from the box Ms.Hierba put us in?" replied Pop.

"Yeah?" answered Juan.

"Well I've kept it in my pocket the entire time. See?" asked Pop as he pulled the chainsaw out of his pocket.

"Pop you're hallucinating again. There is no chainsaw."

"JUAN IT'S RIGHT HERE."

"Oh I see. How big are your pockets?"

"Cena size."

"What?"

"Cena size. It means they are large enough to fit one John Cena."

"Ohhhhhh, is that why I couldn't see the chainsaw?"

"I suppose me booty. I never thought about that. I'M JOHN CENA AND MY TIME IS NOW NOW NOW! Hahahahaha."

"Ok Pop. Just cut the ropes holding our hands before Zodiac gets back."

"Of course me booty."

Pop cut the ropes with his selectively visible chainsaw and grabbed Juan's hand. They ran together in the opposite direction they had come and stopped when they got to a road. The road was busy and there was a bus stop a few Cena body lengths down.

Juan and Pop walked over cautiously, realizing they were technically fugitives because they had never been delivered to a real jail.

"Next bus stops here at 3 pm" grumbled Juan.

"That is okay me booty. This means we have 3 hours for much needed father son bonding time." coaxed Pop.

"OMG YAAAAASSSSSS DADDY SLAY MY LIFE GOALSSSSSS!!!"

"What did I say about calling me Daddy?"

"Right, sorry Pop. I got a little excited."

"It's okay Juan. It runs in la familia. YAAAAASSSSSS QUEEN YOU SO BOOTY POPPIN'."

"Can we go to Pink first? It's right over there." Juan pointed at the large store down the street.

"Of course me booty. I have attended Pink many times in my days prior to jail. Mostly to buy sexy clothes for your mother."

Juan did not respond and the two walked into Pink. They were hit by a blast of cold air.

"Friiiiioooooo," screamed Pop. An employee walked over to them.

"Hi, can I help you two?" she asked.

"Yes, do you have any business casual sweatpants?" questioned Juan.

"Hold on, let me check with my manager." the employee said.

She walked off and Juan followed like runny slime quickly inching towards the concrete floor. Employee lady went into the back to where her manager presumably was. She walked out a minute later with an apologetic expression on her face.

"Sorry, we don't have business casual sweatpants here. Is there anything else I can help you with?" she stated.

"YeeEeEeEsssSsss m'lady," slurred Juan. "Can you help me get to know you better?"

"Sir, this is not appropriate. I'm going to have to ask you to stop."

"Oh but baaaaaby you're so cute I bet even an iguana would date you."

"Sir please stop."

"I'm never gonna stop babyyyyy."

"Sir, I'm getting the security guard to escort you out."

"I'll never leave your side..."

The security guard walked powerfully to Juan and Pop and grabbed them by the arms. He dragged them out of the store forcefully.

"Get out of my store." he spat as he threw them onto the sidewalk in front of the door. Then, a ripped man in dark sunglasses covered the sun and stood over Juan and Pop.

WHO WAS IT?

Find out in the next installment of JUAN!