I'll tell you when the first tear falls

my father

CHAPTER 3: MY FATHER

My father was a great man, he didn't deserve to die the way he did. When I was 9, he was diagnosed with Leukemia. It was too late to do anything to save him, I accepted that he was slowly dying.

In his last months of life, he enjoyed it as much as he possibly could. He took us to places around the city- he wanted to take us to much more interesting places but his silent killer wouldn't allow it. It honestly didn't matter to me because I didn't care about the luxury or glamour of our trips, what mattered to me was being with him making these last moment count.

"Christoper! Dinner is waiting" my mother would shout nearly every day because he was watching a football game or a soccer game in the living room.

"I'm coming sweetheart" he would respond with.

I remember my father sitting on one end of our table and my mother on the other cutting up whatever meat she decided to prepare for us that day. I was sat across from Jason, giving him death stares for no apparent reason. Probably just a childhood phase, glad I got over that swiftly.

"So Val, how was your day at school today?" He would ask me. I would go on about pontless gossip that me and my best friend Annabelle heard from 'The popular girls'. But that was 8 years ago. Long gone.

You're gonna be okay Val, you understand me? Val?

I heard this voice soothing me to sleep as I cried every night because I was becoming aware of my father slowly drifting, both physically and mentally from all of us.

He will always be with you Valerie.

As the weeks went by, my father got worse and worse and worse. He sometimes forgot who we were, his family. Every second spent at that hospital made me want to cough up blood. I despised that place, hated the doctors for not helping my father, even though I knew his status from the beginning.

December 6th 2007, I was sat on an arm chair next to my fathers bed and caught s glimpse in the corner of my eye, my mother and brother hugging each other and sobbing unnoticeably into each others shoulders. I held my fathers hand and let a single tear spill down my cheek.

It's okay to be vulnerable

"Val,"

"Yes, dad? "

He squeezed my palm tigher to his. "Promise me something Val, promise me that you will never doubt my love for you, even when I'm gone..."

"Dad..." I let a sob escape my mouth without noticing. He knew he was going, I could feel it too.

"Listen to me Valerie, you have so much in you, so much love to give, I love you and your mother and your brother. You was always special Val."

The machine stopped and so did his heart.

"I love you too dad..." I let go of his hand and I could feel Jason's arms wrap around me. I let the tears fall free from my eyes and a sob I wad holding in most of the day, exit from my vocal chords and out of my mouth.

3 days after, it was my fathers funeral, so many friends came and most of the family.

On his grave stone these sentences were engarved:

"A father, a husband, taken away into the hands of God to rest in peace, and protect the ones down below that were left behind.

A loving memory of Christoper Jensen

May 20th 1976-December 6th 2007"

After the memorial finished everyone went home. I sprinted up to my bedroom and burried my face in my pillow leaving it covered in my tears. Just as I was falling asleep, I heard the voice again.

You'll be alright Valerie.