Too Skinny

Just Skin And Bones

When I was diagnosed with Anorexia, I remember my mom telling me that I could never cut myself, because I could bleed out too easily due to the small to no nutrition I had. Every time I thought about cutting, I could just picture myself dying. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. I wanted to be able to graduate and throw my hat up in the air and have children with my hunk of a husband. I groaned and slumped out of bed. I shuffled to my bathroom to take a shower. I looked in the mirror and saw that my ribs didn't stick out as much and my spine didn't show through a lot anymore. I gasped and stepped on the scale. When the scale beeped I looked down and saw that I was now 70 pounds. I smiled and then immediately un-smiled. Since I wasn't getting enough vitamins, my teeth looked like I was a major smoker. I smiled a closed mouth smile and hopped in the shower, humming my favorite song. 

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After my shower I got dressed in a white t-shirt and some purple overalls and I pulled my hair up in a pony tail. I grabbed my phone and my laptop and slumped on my bed. I opened up Instagram and looked through the new pictures people posted. My friend from high school had posted a picture, some of her friends and her boyfriend at the beach. She looked beautiful. She had this gorgeous purple bikini top and it went perfectly with some black board shorts. I was jealous, because I hadn't been able to swim in about 11 years. I missed the feel of the cold water and the air that hit you as you walked out in to the salt water in your bikini. I wiped a tear and liked her picture. I clicked on the picture icon and switched the camera so it was facing me. I snapped a picture and in the caption I wrote: I wish my thighs touched. I wish that I could go to the beach without people staring at me. I wish I could actually have a life. I clicked the share button and waited until it was completed. I logged off of Instagram and put my phone on my bed. I picked up my computer and logged on to Netflix. I browsed through until I came to one of the shows that I didn't mind watching. It was called The Amazing World Of Gumball. I know that I'm in college and I shouldn't be watching stupid shows like that, but I do still, so...bite me. I clicked the episode and hit play. I sat on my bed watching tv until midnight. I logged off of Netflix and shut down my computer. I plugged it in and picked up my book from my nightstand. I had finished Looking For Alaska and now I was on to An Abundance Of Kathrine's. It was by the same author: John Green. It was about a boy name Colin and he had a friend named Hassan. When Colin gets dumped by his 19th Kathrine, he's so depressed that Hassan decides to take him on a road trip. They end up working for a kind old woman and meeting a really attractive girl. Colin could date her, but her name isn't Kathrine. I open up the book and start to read. I was halfway through the book when my phone started to beep non-stop. I picked it up and saw that everyone was liking my picture. They were commenting too. Not bad things like: Go die in a hole. But good things like: Stay Strong! We're here for you! Even though I didn't know them, it still felt really good to have people care about me. I smiled and set my phone down, putting it on silent so that I wasn't distracted with the noise. 

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I woke up around 12ish. I went to the bathroom and took a shower. I rushed over to my dresser and picked out a really baggy dark brown sweater and I slipped it over my head. I wrapped my hair in to a bun and grabbed my purse and keys. My hand was on the door when I forgot that I misses my phone. I went to grab it off of my nightstand top, when I realized that it wasn't there. My eyes bugged out and I started to hyper ventilate. I took 3 deep, calming breathes and walked down to the lobby. I rang the little bell and a women walked up, smiling. 

"Hi. How may I help you Flower?" she asked. I guessed that she was one of those people that knew every ones name. I cleared my throat and began to speak to her. 

"I was about to leave my apartment when I realized that my phone wasn't where I left it last night. I checked everywhere for it and I couldn't find it." I said, my voice cracking. I hadn't talked this much in a long time. The lady's' smile widened and she told me that they would do everything they could to look for it. I smiled and nodded my thanks. I walked to my car and started to drive. I reached the mall and walked in silently. I always hated going there. People would always hand me money if I was sitting down. I guess that they thought that I was homeless. Or I was really sick and didn't have any money to go and get help. As soon as I walked in, I went to Macy's and picked up a new pair of blue overalls. I matched them with a white shirt and I picked up some black Vans. I went over to the counter and paid for my things. I was about to walk back to my car when a police officer stopped me. 

"Sorry ma'am. I'm going to have to arrest you." he said. He told me to turn around and he began to hand cuff me. He led me to his car while he read me my Miranda Rights. Tears stinging my eyes, I reluctantly sat down.