Too Skinny

Health is Nothing to Me

I hopped out of bed and slumped to the bathroom. I removed my pajamas and looked in the mirror. My ribs stuck out and you could see my hips. My face was sunken in and I looked like I was a walking skeleton. I turned around and saw my backbones. I had no breasts because I had no fat on my body. I was just skin and bones. I opened up the shower door and stepped in. I turned on the hot water and started to wash my hair. When I was done, I wrapped a towel around my body and went outside to look for some clothes. Barely anything fit me anymore so I had to shop at kids stores just to find some clothes. I picked up a big wool sweater and draped it over my head. I then picked up my shorts and slipped them on. I had to tie a belt around my pants because I was so skinny that even the double zeros at American Eagle were too big for me. I headed to the bathroom and put my hair in a bun. My hair wasn't really healthy because I wasn't getting enough nutrients in my body. I sighed and grabbed my keys. My birthday was today and I was turning 21. Usually a person turning 21 would be really excited and would go out at the end of the day to a bar and drink a lot of alcohol with their friends. But me..... I didn't have any friends. And I couldn't drink because even if I took one sip of beer, I would get insanely drunk. Even though I wanted to get insanely drunk, I also wanted to get insanely drunk because of how many shots I took. So I was going to spend my 21st birthday sitting in bed and reading my books.

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I hated going to school. Everyone spent all of their time staring at me and whispering behind my back. I could tell that they thought that I couldn't hear them, but I could. I knew that they weren't trying to be mean, they were just.....scared of me. I admit, I was a really scary thing to look at. It looked like I would drop dead at any second because of how skinny and unhealthy I looked. I didn't really talk during school. If a teacher asked me a question, I would answer, but other than that........ I didn't talk at all. People didn't even try to talk to me because, like I said before, I was really scary to look at. When the bell rang, I hopped up and ran out of the classroom. I opened up my car door and started the car engine. I sat there for awhile and didn't do anything. Then I picked up my phone and called my mom.

"Hello?" she asked. My eyes filled up with tears. I missed my mom and dad. I missed my room and my bed. I wanted to go home. Before I went to college, I thought that I wanted to leave my home, but now I realize that there's a reason they call it home.

"Mom?" I ask, my voice raspy because I hadn't talked for a long time. "I wanna go home!" I wail in to the phone. I cry for awhile and when I'm done, my mom starts to talk to me.

"Baby. I know it's hard to be away from home. But going away for school......is probably the best thing for you right now." she says. I know she doesn't mean it because I can hear her sniffling. I nod and hang up the phone. I wipe my nose and stick my keys in to my car, turning them and starting to drive away.

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When I got to my apartment, I got out of my car and went to my apartment room. I sat on my bed and looked at the wall for awhile. I didn't know what to do because I didn't have anything to do. I didn't have any friends. I didn't have a boyfriend. I didn't even know anybody here. It made me sad that I was.... a loner. I didn't have anybody except my books. They knew just how to cheer me up and how to get my mind off of things when I just needed a break. I slowly walked over to my bookcase and pulled out one of my favorites:The Fault In Our Stars. I opened it up and started to read it. "I'm in love with you," he said quietly.

"Augustus," I said.

"I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

"I want that kind of love." I say to myself. Then I laughed. "Actually, I would literally take any kind of love there is." I set down my book and yawned. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 5:46. I had been 21 for about an hour.

"Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Flower. Happy birthday to...." But I couldn't finish because I had started to cry. Nobody was hear to sing me happy birthday so I had to sing it to myself. There was no one there to give me cake, or a present, or a balloon, or even a pat on the back. When I was little, my mom used to give me as many kisses as I was turning. I cried harder and set my head on my pillow, clutching my book to my heart.

"I really need 21 kisses right now mommy." I say mostly to myself. I close my eyes and begin to picture the perfect 21st birthday: Friends. A loving boyfriend. Chugging beer. Being insanely drunk. But that never happened. I opened my eyes and resumed reading my book. I reached up and grabbed a tissue to wipe my nose.