La-Di Da-Di → NamJin

Main Story: 20

Namjoon raised his eyebrows, he was holding a cone of strawberry ice cream in one hand and a pack of Seokjin's wanted ice cream flavour in the other as he peers at the other's face. "Seokjin hyung?" He asks, noting the blank look in the elder's eyes.

"I'll clean you up later." He mutters before sticking the cold treat against Seokjin's cheek, making him jolt. He looks at Namjoon, blinking rapidly. Seokjin was acting weird and Namjoon knows, but he knew better than to ask about it while they're outside. Seokjin might just break down, and he wouldn't want to spoil the ice creams.

So instead, he just leaned back, smiling as he extended out a hand towards the brown-haired novelist, and with a calm voice, he called out. "Let's go home."

The whole way home consisted of Seokjin staggering and Namjoon trying to steady and prevent him from kissing the ground.

Seokjin took off his shoes wordlessly, Namjoon off to the kitchen immediately to keep the ice cream suitable to eat after their talk. The former walked, stopping by the kitchen doorway, he stared at Namjoon's back.

"Go up to your room, we'll talk there." Said man spoke without looking back, Seokjin nodded and silently walked upstairs.

He leaned against his bedroom door and tried to steady his breathing, he closed his eyes and mentally counted up to ten, and Namjoon's footsteps going up the stairs was on time.

Seokjin walked over to his bedside table, and slid a drawer open, he took the brown journal gently and sat down his bed, listening to the soft steps of Namjoon's feet.

The door opened not long after, Namjoon stepped in with a glass of water and a pack of what Seokjin immediately recognized as his favourite snack. Namjoon placed down the tray with the treats and sat down beside Seokjin.

It was quiet for a few minutes, Seokjin tracing the worn out cover of the journal in his hand as Namjoon waited patiently, he was just sitting there, looking softly at the other, and Seokjin was thankful for that.

The younger had done the same thing the first time he needed to vent out.

Seokjin remembered it clearly, he remembered facing a slump when he let the insecurities that came with the harsh criticism of new readers to his novel. Some had gone lengths to attack Seokjin's personality, like calling him a psychopath and such. It was nothing big, as it has been two years since Seokjin started writing published novels, but his demons crawled out and got the best of him.

He remembered the two of them, Seokjin and Namjoon, in the same position they are now, with Seokjin holding a torn manuscript in his hands and Namjoon calmly waiting for him to compose himself. Though, the younger placed a hand on his trembling ones, when it didn't cease after five minutes.

"Breath. It's alright. I'm here." Namjoon reassured, his other hand rubbing circles on Seokjin's back. "I'll be here when you're ready..."

He had successfully let out his toxic thoughts to the younger, his eyes puffy and nose blocked, it was slowly replaced by a soft smile when Namjoon offered him his favourite snack with a grin of his own.

"Here, to cheer you up."

Seokjin was the first one to break the silence with his deep sigh, Namjoon just continued staring at him, head tilting to the right. He knew that with the facial expression Seokjin had, he would start speaking soon, so he braced himself.

"This journal... It's so important to me." He started, voice solid as he slowly moved his right hand to open said thing. Namjoon noted that the way the older held it with such gentleness, it must be more important than how Seokjin made it sound.

"This was given to me by my younger brother..." The novelist chuckles. "Ah, I miss him. So much." He then turned to Namjoon. "You haven't heard of him before, right?" And Namjoon nodded, it was the first time Seokjin mentioned anything about his family, let alone about his younger brother.

"Figures, you didn't ask anything about it immediately, and I'm thankful for that." He looked back to the journal. "He..." Seokjin gulps. "Passed this to me sometime during his years in university. Around two years ago."

Namjoon stayed silent, urging Seokjin to continue.

"He was a hard-working kid." Namjoon didn't miss Seokjin's use of words, as he was giving his hundred percent of attention to the older. "Even when we got kicked out, he didn't want me to be in so much stress and pain that he wanted to be a working student." Seokjin flipped around ten pages, and Namjoon caught a glimpse of a written 'I knew Seokjin hyung was working his self to the point where he didn't even care if he went to his lectures without proper grooming or sleep. He had to work double, all because of me.'

Seokjin looked down as well, giving a small smile as he traced the handwriting.

"Of course, I wouldn't let him. He was too precious, he was all I had left, I didn't mind getting yelled at every shift I get, I didn't mind working three jobs and going to lectures, if it meant giving him a good life with me, and that he doesn't have to get tired working until he finished his degree. I don't mind. I didn't mind.

So when he said he wanted to take a part-time job, I refused, even though he practically begged. I don't want him to, I want to protect him..."

"I remember him bringing me to a party his friend had thrown, it was a pretty silly idea for a university man to organize a costume party, isn't it?"

He smiled bitterly. "I didn't mind though, if he was happy, I'm fine with it, but... if I knew that it would be our last place to go to together I would have taken him out to his favourite beach instead. Somewhere, anywhere, and stay there longer, even if it means I'll get less money for myself if I had kept him safe and away from his job... that wouldn't be our last happy moment.."

"Maybe if I worked harder and earned more, I would have been able to support him, he would've graduated university and..."

Seokjin flipped towards the middle of the journal, delicately picking up the polaroid. Namjoon took a look at it, in the picture was Seokjin, in a doctor's costume, and a boy in another costume, like an office worker.

"Taehyung wouldn't have left me all alone."

+

I'm in the mood to write sad things, I need sleep.

Also my English might be off, I'm not used to speaking (in general) in Tagalog for a whole day so my language filter is messed up atm

june 16, 2017