Snowboarding (slow updates)

Can't Sleep

I settle down next to Ali, copying his body language and sitting the same way he is. Both of our back lean against the wall and watch the snow fall through the window, the soft glow of a streetlight illuminating the snow. 

We sit in silence for a few minutes, side by side, staring through the window. I am lost in my thoughts and he lost in his. 

"So.... umm, do you want to talk or just sit or...." I start to push conversation. I mean when else would I get to sit with the guy I like with nobody else around, or to interrupt.

"We can just talk, you don't have to stay for long, after all, we have to get up at 7:45 and its already five past midnight," Ali says in a hushed voice. 

"It's alright, I can stay for a while, I'm not really that tired anyway, so what's up, what do you want to talk about?" I ask. 

"I don't know whatever you want," he says.

"I don't care, you start, you were the one who couldn't sleep, there must be something in your brain that is keeping you up. Tell me, I mean of course, only if you want to."

"Well you are the one who was not tired and the one who keep drifting off into your own thoughts because you have a lot to think about, you should tell me what keeps running around your brain."

"Oh you know, stuff, like I said, we are more than halfway through high school, and there are a lot of things that I want to do that I still haven't done."

"Like what?"

"There are just a lot of things that I told myself I would do or would happen when I came into high school as a freshman."

"Such as..."

I start to play with my hands, picking at the skin around my thumbs. I desperately search for something to say. I couldn't tell him that I desperately wanted my first kiss, being a junior I would have thought I would have had it years ago, but sadly I have not. 

"Um, let me think for a minute," I say. 

I also couldn't tell him that I desperately wanted a first boyfriend. I thought that I would have one by now. He has already had multiple girlfriends and probably had his first kiss in middle school. I racked my brain for something that wouldn't make me sound super lame. 

"You're not going to laugh at me right?"

"Of course not"

"Well, I want to be more involved in school, like go to more events, and I want to be more social, not hang around my house so much, I want to hang out with friends more."

"Why would I make fun of that?"

"I don't know, I mean you do everything, you have tons of friends and you are at like every school event there is, I don't do anything."

"That's not true. Sure I am pretty involved in school, but so are you. You play sports, you ran cross country."

"I know but I wanted to go to more football games and stuff but now they are over, I went to like one or two football games, that is it."

"That's okay, I mean there is always next year."

"That's the problem, I keep telling myself that there is always next year. I really want to put myself out there ya know, like I don't want high school to pass me by."

"You still have time, to get out there and go to sports games and school events," he tells me. "Don't worry about it, what other things do you want to do?"

"I um... um... I want" I stutter, the words stuck in my throat.

"What?" Ali asks, raising one eyebrow.