First Steps

Chapter 7

I woke up with Shawn by my side, he was still sleeping and I needed to get ready for magcon. I slipped out of bed and walked to my room. Mahogany was already awake getting ready. "What happened? Where were you?" she said. "Sorry, I went to Shawn's room. I woke up crying and I just really needed him. Ugh, I'm just confused." She sat down on her bed. "Do you love him?" "Yes, a lot." "Then be with him. I've watched you guys, and y'all are meant for each other. He did a pretty dick move yesterday though. Don't get back together with him though, it's gonna seem like its okay to cheat because you'll get back together with him. You don't want this to happen again." "I won't, I'll play hard to get. Thanks Mahogany, love you." I went in for a hug. "No problem, if anything ever happens again, just text me." "Of course." I said. I went into the bathroom to shower and get ready. Today, I curled my hair loosely and did my makeup with a twist. I put on sliver glitter liner on my top lash line, like Mahogany did. It was the last magcon day, so I wanted to have fun. Then, I put on a pair of dark wash high waisted jean shorts, black vans, and a new tie dye taylor caniff shirt. I grabbed my sunglasses and my phone. I checked twitter, and I guess everybody found out about me and Shawn somehow. Probably Victoria to get back at us. Everybody was tweeting to me. "Is Shawndra done?" "What happened to Shawn and Sandra?" "Are you guys still together?" "My favorite couple broke up :(" I needed to tweet something to let my fans know. "Hi everybody, yes Shawn and I broke up, we just needed a break." Then, I got a ton more tweets. "Sandra's heartbroken" Yes, I was.

We went out into the hallway and the guys were standing there, waiting for us. Shawn looked at me and smiled. I smiled back to let him know I was okay. We all went downstairs to the green room to prepare for magcon. I promised the guys I would do the meet and greet with them. We did our pre show talk thing and it was already time. It was like yesterday, the same lineup. Mahogany and I came out last. I stood next to Aaron and Matt. Matt whispered in my ear. "This is really strong of you, are you gonna be okay?" I looked at him and nodded. I loved how everyone had my back, we were really a family. A girl in the front screamed out "SHAWNDRA!" I clinched and looked at Shawn with a sad face. He didn't look at me, maybe he didn't hear. I looked down and took a deep breath. Aaron put his arm around my shoulders and I smiled. All the guys had my back. Cameron talked to the crowd today and it was meet up time. I walked over to Mahogany. "Wish me luck." I said to her. "Don't worry, they love you." she said and gave me a hug. The guys already walked off the stage and went to where the meet and greet was. I followed them, and I didn't know where to stand. "Come here." said Taylor. His booth was right next to Shawn's and Cameron's. I walked over to him. "You're with me." He said and hugged me. He gave really good hugs. While hugging him, Shawn looked at us and then looked away quickly. A bunch of girls came to line up to meet us and standing next to Shawn wasn't really the best place. I saw him hug every girl, a lot were so much prettier then me. I stopped and focused on my fans, which made me smile every time. A lot of fans gave me stuff. Bracelets, candy, shirts. A girl who was next in line came over to me. "Hi Sandra, I'm such a big fan!" I went to hug her and said "Thank you." "Here" she said. "I made this for you." She handed me a collage of me and Shawn. I looked at all the pictures. Pictures of us when we first met, of us ice skating, of us in Canada, us of facetiming, every memory we shared. I, I just couldn't hold it in. The memories just came back of us when we were happy. I looked over at Shawn with his fans and I started to tear. "Oh I'm sorry, you guys broke up?" I nodded to her. "It's okay, I'm sorry, it's not your fault." Shawn looked at me and saw me crying. I hugged the girl. "Write down your twitter." I said to her. She wrote it down on my arm so I remembered. I really felt bad for her but I couldn't hold it in. "Thank you so much." I said to her, and she walked away. I started crying even more and Shawn walked really quickly over to me and hugged me. I put my face in his chest and started bawling. "I'm right here, I'll always be right here." He started swaying me and I kept taking deep breaths. Why did he do this to us? I remidered myself of walking into that room with Shawn and Victoria and I started even more. "Do you wanna go somewhere?" he whispered in my ear. "Yeah, I said." Jack G came over. "It's all right, I'll take care of her, go to your fans." Shawn let me go and looked into my eyes. He wiped away tears from my face and walked away, sad, to his fans. Jack took my hand and we walked to a hallway behind the green room, where I woke up after collapsing from last night. He sat me down on the same ledge and he sat down right next to me. He hugged me, and stayed like that for 5 minutes. He rubbed my back and told me that it was alright. We pulled away. "I'm sorry, you're going through so much right now. This is probably making it worse." I looked down and frowned. "I love seeing my fans, but the girl, she just gave me all my pictures of Shawn and I, and I miss him." "I know, all of our hearts broke even you said you weren't together anymore, not just yours." "I feel so bad for that girl though, I have find her." "Well, the meet and greets almost over, you might not be able to find her." "I know, I have her twitter, I'll just dm her on there." "Good, are you okay to go back?" "Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom." "Okay, go I'll wait for you here." I got up and walked to the closet bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were a little poofed up, but it wasn't major. My wasn't red, I looked normal. Even my makeup was still fine. I washed my hands and went back out. "Ready" I said with a smile. "There's that beautiful smile." he said and stood up. We walked back out and everyone was already on stage. Everyone cheered for me. I smiled, and climbed onto the stage. Without stopping, I went to Mahogany and she gave me a hug. I took a microphone from the table and turned it on. "Hey guys, sorry, I'm okay." I put the mic back and stood with Jack, trying not to make eye contact with Jack. He smiled at me and said "Can you sing?" "Yeah I think so." He rubbed my back again and Carter came to hug me.

All the guys set down a chair in the middle of the stage. "You go first." said Shawn while giving me my guitar. I took it and went to go sit down on the chair. All the guys sat on the stage, making a circle around me. I adjusted the mic in front of me and began to talk. "So obviously, you guys can tell that I'm not in the greatest mood. The weekend has been the craziest weekend of my life. From meeting my family for the first time to meeting you guys. Um, yes it was unexpected for Shawn and I to break up, but I promise you guys we're not broken up forever. I had some crazy crazy emotions and I'm really sorry. But, a lot of you can probably relate, ya know being a fangirl to these guys your emotions just go crazy. I was once one and now I'm here. So I just want to say thank you and apolpgize and I love you all." Everyone wooed and clapped and cheered. I started to play my first song, Thinking About You, by Frank Ocean. I never played this song in front of everyone, so it was a risk. I wanted to play it because it was my favorite song for a while, and I wanted to bring it back. The next song I was supposed to play, was suppose to be my orignal, the one about Shawn. I decided that I wouldn't sing it because one, I would get emotional again and two, I wanted to have fun on stage. This weekend has just been full of sadness and crying and I wanted to be happy again. I got up pulled the chair away and placed my guitar on top of it. I took the mic, set it in the front of the stage and made it taller. I took a deep breath. I sang out a favorite song of mine, "Honeymoon Avenue" by Ariana Grande, one of my idols. I prob sound like a typical white girl but I went to go see her in concert once and she's been inspiring me everyday. I heard Matt fan girling and I tried not to laugh. I never sang like that before, I belt out a lot of notes. I got the loudest applause ever, I was so proud. All the guys came over to hug me. Even Shawn, he was the first one to come over to me. Everyone was so proud so me. I felt loved again.