This Moment

8

Kale

I took in a gulp of frigid air letting it cleanse my burning insides. My mom and the girls, who'd arrived this morning, spun around my chair pulling me this way and that, beautiful they call it torture I'd call it. They turned, gliding past each other and grabbing things like poised dancers, complicated but fluid. Dani pulled at my hair trying to get the knots out of it. Unlikely. She gave a good yank and I yelped. "Sorry," she whispered patting my head but still grasping the tangle from hell. Perrie shoved all kinds of make up I didn't know existed in my face smearing it here and there, I was sure I looked like the creation of a five year old right then but found that looking at her own make up-ed face comforting. Generally she knew what she was doing. "Close your eyes," she demanded poking my lids with some gross feeling cream. I guess they finally got the knot out of my hair because the yanking seized. It'd been like this for what, three hours? I dunno how long honestly just that I was getting sores on my bum. They held me up slipping on a dress that they wouldn't let me approve or even see yet. It was a little big on me considering at this point I weighed around 70 pounds. They all squealed and my mom let out a gasp from a far corner in the room. "Open," Eleanor whispered in my ear, sending hot air down my already warm spine. I opened my eyes to find a completely different person staring back at me, she didn't look sickly just...surprised. I touched my face only to have Perrie slap my hand away. Instead I placed my hand on a full head of hair. Somehow they had found a site that sells partial wig things. I don't really know how that works just that it fills in bald spots. I felt incredible in that moment. I looked down running my hands over the white sequin and satin gown, feeling the smooth material and plastic areas. It was beautiful. This was happening. How could this be happening. I wasn't special. Nothing about me screamed it. Yet here I was looking at this reflection of someone else. I glanced out the window to find little white chairs and a platform with pink and white roses littering the grass. Men in tux's and women in dainty little numbers laughing and conversing. if was so alive and it was flowing into me making me feel alive. More alive then ever.

The girls and my mom tapped out of the room in their yellow wedges closing the door behind them. I whirled my wheelchair in circles so that I could admire every square inch of my body. I pushed myself over to the window to watch the people again but only one caught my eye. I drew in a breathe to calm myself, Niall looked so handsome today and it wasn't helping my nerves. What if my chair got caught on something and I flipped out of it in the middle of the aisle, no that wouldn't happen I would be walking, with the help of my father of course. I couldn't help thinking of all the bad things that could happen though. The door squeaked open again and I turned my head to find my mom already at my side. "You look beautiful," she kissed my cheek and pulled me into her grasp. I held her as tight as I could letting the things I couldn't say and all she needed to know wash over us both. I could feel the tears in my eyes and I tried to blink them back for the fear of actually having to have my make up re-done. She pulled a manicured finger to my face wiping the water away. She smiled and stood going around back to grab the handles on the wheelchair and steered me out the door, it was time. I didn't feel well at all, my nerves I guess, they'd go away. My dad was standing at the backdoor staring into space, his shoe up against the door frame. He peered over as I was wheeled closer, tears were in his eyes and it made me want to cry too. "My baby's growing up," he choked out kissing my cheek, "you ready?" I let in a sharp breathe and nodded. He signaled to someone outside and everyone started to take their seats. The music started and my hands started to quiver. Nerves that's all. My father gently pulled me into a standing position placing his arm around my rail-thin waist. The door opened and my mother ran to her place on the front row giving me a thumbs up as she found her place. We started to march down the isle, my sister was smiling at me opposite from Niall and the boys, she was my maid of honor, the girls gave a quick wave or two from their places beside her. I smiled as best I could through the bad feeling in my stomach. We were only five feet from the alter now, it felt all wrong and my whole body seemed to slip into a never ending hole as I saw myself plummet towards the ground but never knowing if I had reached it or not because the lights seemed to dim in my head like the end of a picture show. Bright lights tore at my eyes. And I fought to keep them closed as they opened against my will to a white walled room. I blinked out the haze letting my head clear. All I could feel was pain. I let out a sharp cry as I tried to move myself to a sitting position. "Shhh, shhh, it's alright," Niall appeared in my vision placing his lips to my hand. "What happened," I croaked. "It's bad," he looked down at the floor like he found his shoes suddenly interesting but it didn't matter I knew what he was talking about, "your body couldn't take it, it broke down, your dad caught you before you hit the ground but you still broke a couple ribs." He gently kissed my forehead. "How long?" it was a simple question and I already knew the answer. He couldn't seem to answer as the tears streamed down his face. "How long," I repeated,my tone flat. "A day or two," he hoarsely whispered. Then we both sat there in our shock and tears. It was over. Sometimes you have to lose before you can win. I believed he would win then. If anyone could, I knew it was him. Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak, sometimes it means you're strong enough to let go. And that's exactly what I was doing.

Niall

She had drifted off sometime ago, her wig had been peeled off by a sobbing mother who was still sobbing across from me. Kales face was sunk in at the cheeks but still she looked peaceful and unnaturally beautiful in the midst of a chaotic room. I rested my hand on her fragile arm and peered around the room to see her mother, father, and sister weeping in the corner while holding each other. I turned to see the downcast faces of the girls wrapped in their boyfriends arms. But Harry, Harry looked the most beat up about it, I had the feeling he wasn't gonna succumb to comfort either. I sat there for hours twirling patterns on her pale face. Many of the others had fallen asleep except her father who's eyes were trained on the wall opposite of him like he was seeing a horror movie inside his head..maybe he was. I was. Eventually even I fell asleep my head rested on the bed side. I woke up to a hand running over my messy hair. I looked up to see Kale smiling down at me the light from the window beside her put a golden tone in the pits of her face, lighting her hole face up like an angel. "hey," I whispered looking around to find everyone gone, "where'd everyone go?" "Breakfast, you should go too." "no, I'm fine," because I couldn't bring myself to leave her side despite the grumbling in my stomach. "how're you feeling," I continued after a few beats of silence. "Okay," she smiled but it didn't fit her eyes. "what's wrong?" "nothing," she whispered in my ear. "Seriously Kale, tell me," I didn't know why I wanted her to tell me what I already knew when I couldn't take it. "My organs are shutting down," she tried to say it as lightly as possible as if to place it on me instead of throw it. The breathe caught in my throat, it all seemed real now. I was saved from a complete breakdown because her parents came in asking for a little alone time with her. I had to stop myself from running out the door but as soon as I was out of her sight I sprinted. I didn't keep track of where I was or who had seen me like this, I just ran. I found a little door in some hall and threw it open to find comfort in the fact it was a janitor closet, I closed the door letting loose. The tears streamed down my face and I punched a wall breaking through to a solid pipe under. I guess I blocked out everything that happened after that because I woke up on the floor with blood everywhere. What the hell happened in here, it looked like somebody had died. I lifted myself up on two hands, one obviously broken. Everything was off the walls, there were holes everywhere and shattered glass surrounded me. That explains the blood, I opened the door a tad to peer around the hall before letting it swing open and stepping out closing it behind me. I walked aimlessly down the halls until a nurse came around the corner giving a yelp, did I really look that bad? Yeah, probably like hell. She came to my side without saying a word leasing me to an examination room, making me take off my shirt to see if I had glass in my chest or back. I didn't. She gave me some exrays, confirming my broken hand. She left asking me to stay where I was. I leaned back staring up at the stark white ceiling trying to forget.

Niall

I looked down at my hand all casted up and everything and averted my eyes. Looking across the room I tried to remember how to walk, how to get up and leave, my mind was clouded and I just couldn't think straight. The nurse had stopped by about ten minutes ago to confirm that I could leave, yet I continued to drag my good hand across the crinkly paper of the examination table. Somewhere in my head a little voice said "stay where you are, if you do all the problems in your life will stay safely locked behind that door, nothing can hurt you here." I knew that wasn't true, hell I couldn't even convince a pear, so why try? My legs seemed to finally remember how to work themselves and I cautiously leapt from the table, pulling open the door as if a bomb were behind it and pace out into the now empty hall. I could see the stars twinkling from the heavens as I moved along the windows. Then I hit a door, I didn't have to look at it to know Kale's name was printed on it like a headstone. My hand grabbed for the handle and flinched back as if it were on fire and I had to force myself to breathe in and out and tried for the handle again, the door swung open silently on its hinges to reveal a sleeping family and tangles of arms and legs from the others who'd found comfort on the extra beds around the room. Taking a step into the room, I noticed movement to find an alert Kale twisting her head to see me, that's all she could do and it broke my heart to see. I rushed to her side taking in her state and kissing her lightly on the head, she was freezing. I ran my thumb across the purple bruises under her eyes and I could see a wisp of a smile on her lips. "I love you." "I know," she whispered back. I could see that the others were starting to stir at my voice but kept my eyes focused on her. It was like I was trying to breathe in her image. "...lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you..." I quietly sang into her ear. She looked at me then, tears streaming down her face, and all the love she'd never be able to give me. And in that silence I knew it was time, then as if it were just another days end she shut her eyes and drifted on to a world yet unknown to me.