This Moment

9

Niall

 It all seemed to move in slow motion, the long beep of the monitor, the rush of doctors, the stifled sobs of a hopeful family. And me just standing there, looking in, note quite in my body but feeling every emotion. I opened my eyes sitting up straight in my bed. Beads of sweat and tears ran over my face and body leaving me cold and soaked and chilled to the bone. I placed my head in my hands rocking back and forth. Just a dream, but not a dream..a memory. Something I've tried to block out but couldn't. It had been a month since that day. I tried to pull it together and took a big breath looking at the clock, 4 AM. No chance of going back to sleep now her face was burned in my eyelids. I unraveled myself from the sheets tossing the comforter in the floor and stomping ontop of it to the door. I felt my way down the pitch black hall and to the fridge handle. Yanking on the door a cold white light blinded me until my eyes could adjust. I dug through the back of the fridge capturing the orange juice and peeling off the lid and chug it. Going back to the livingroom I topple on the couch and turn on the tv and pulling my phone off the coffee table to check twitter for the first time in weeks. Apparently #sleepwellkale had trended after @onedirection had brought it up. I saw several pictures of us attached to many of the tweets I had gotten. Great, here it comes. I could feel my chest rack with sobs and the tears splashed on my phone blobbing out the screen. After regaining composer I replied to some of the fans and tweeted about getting some writing time with Ed today. The only thing I was actually looking forward to. Music was my only connection now. I looked down 5,000 retweets and several replies saying verious things like "you're back," and "nice to hear from you lad," from Harry. I locked my phone and went back to mindless staring at the shapes on the tv which I couldn't make out because my eyes were still puffy. Eventually the sun did come up and I physically had to remove myself from the couch and get ready. I had just finished when there was a honk outside, I rushed out and into the car not bothering to lock the door behind me. When I arrived at the studio all the boys were chatting it up with Ed. "Hey," I waved looking for a seat. I tried to join in on the convo but I couldn't bring myself to get into it. "Any ideas Nialler?" All eyes were on me. I actually did have a little something. "A line," I picked up one of the acoustics sitting beside me and strummed, my fingers knowing exactly what to do. "Turn the light off, I wanna be with you, I wanna feel your love.." I trailed off not knowing what to say next. I didn't have to look up to see the expressions on their faces to know the shock and knowing. Kale. The only one it could be for. After a while Ed took the guitar from me and started strumming the line over and over. He started to hum then mumble and finally the words came out. "Shut the door, turn the light off I wanna be with you, I wanna feel your love, I wanna lay beside you, I cannot hide this even though I try..." He stopped then looking for my approval. I shook my head as if waiting for more to spring from his mouth. We worked on the song our entire session. Working out bugs but keeping it true. We were going to premier it on a talk show that was scheduled for tonight. And that's what we did. As I walked onto the stage the light making a glare all eyes were on me. I started the chord staying silent when Liam walked in behind me starting us off. I couldn't believe how beautiful it had sounded. That night went smoothly until we were asked if the song was about someone specific and I cried on national television. I reached over my chair grabbing the old picture of me and the boys. So young and ambitious, I stared down at myself in the photo then looked at my hands wrinkled and aged. It's been a while since that chapter of my life. I've moved on and I've learned, but I'll never forget the only girl I've ever truly loved. Even if the one I love almost as much naps in the chair beside me, her hair like snow, eyes blue as crystal. I might have played that song a hundred times for millions of different people but the one person that truly mattered was whisked away in her bad luck, taking all my love with her. I ran my fingers across the scribbled handwriting one last time I thought of the girl in the snow from so long ago. I knew what I would find when I turned that page, she wrote it herself just before she passed, told me to finish what she couldn't and to be honest with myself with how I felt. On the last page of the journal in looping handwriting it stood out against the stark pages, 'I guess this is a short story of a long love that outlived a short life. My short life. This is my life in nine short chapters from the day I saw your face to the day you'll see mine for the very last time. We documented every time you or I blinked or cried or smiled and we put it here so that I can outlive myself. This is a story written by us for you Niall, my love. All my love, Kale'

As I said.. short.. but hopefully you enjoyed it.

I want to thank my 13 year old self for being weird as hell for this tidbit.

Also A Walk To Remember, you rock, stay classic.

Um, bye now..