Longing for the Sea

how to feel miserable in gym class

Step 1: Get to class.

Step 2: Complain about how cold the locker room is.

Step 3: Struggle to open your locker because your combination isn't working again.

Step 4: Take off your pants.

Step 5: Complain that you're cold without your pants.

Step 6: Put on your gym shorts.

Step 7: Complain about how ugly your gym shorts are.

Step 8: Point out that you haven't shaved your legs in ______ days.

Step 9: Take off your shirt.

Step 10: Complain that you're cold without your shirt.

Step 11: Put on your gym shirt.

Step 12: Complain about how ugly your gym shirt is.

Step 13: Go to the bathroom to stall going into the gym.

Step 14: Go to the gym.

Step 15: Sit in your assigned spot.

Step 16: Glare at the annoying boys next to you who are jumping and trying to touch the rim of the basketball hoop.

Step 17: Speak to your gym teacher using only your eyes and convey that you're miserable.

Step 18: When you're forced to play a stupid game, only put minimal effort into the task just so you can earn the points for the day.

Step 19: Every three minutes, update your friends on how much time you have left until freedom a.k.a class is over.

Step 20: When your gym teacher tells you it's time to go to the locker room and change back into your clothes, sprint and do more exercise than whatever you did in gym class.

Step 21: Repeat steps 2-11, but put on your own clothes.

Step 22: Point out that you haven't felt so free in 84 years.

Step 23: Comment on how trashy you think your hair looks after having to run across the gym a billion times.

Step 24: When the bell rings, sprint out the door.

Based on a true story.