Longing for the Sea

advice to the young

Dear young Ashley,

There are so many things I wish I could tell you, so many things I wish I could help you avoid. You are going to have your heart broken by so many people, experiences, and life in general. You are going to feel as if your whole world is ending, and there will be a time where you think there's no point in living a life that consists of mere misery.

But do not be afraid. The successes in life and the things that bring you joy, even if they are few and far between, will make all the suffering worth it in the end. You will be grateful for all the pain you felt because it taught you how to understand other people and see the world in a whole new light. You turned your pessimistic attitude into one of positivity and gratitude.

You are going to experience a lot of change, but welcome it with open arms. You are going to have your entire family dynamic shift, you're going to move halfway across the country, and you're going to see so many people come and go from your life. But each of those people left because they were finished teaching you the lesson they were meant to show you, and their task was complete. Do not beg people to stay if they wish to leave. You should never have to beg someone for attention or for them to care about you. There is so much toxicity in such a relationship, and that is the last thing you need right now.

If someone makes you feel bad about yourself rather than good, then cut them out of your life. Why would you be friends with someone like that? Why would you allow yourself to be treated like that? I know it's going to be hard, and you're going to fight to save the friendship, but you have to let it go. Negativity is such a violent force that you should never feel trapped within, and you cannot allow yourself to hold on and dwell on it.

One day you will love the things you once hated about yourself. While it'll take a long time, you will learn how to love yourself and have confidence, and life will be so much easier once you discover that. You will love your personality and embrace the things that make you unique. You will love your body instead of feeling like you're too short, too fat, or not good enough. You will love your mind because of the perspective and view you have of life, and that will soon become your favorite thing about yourself. It will also become your favorite thing to share with other people. You are much more than your exterior, and your mind is what makes you who you are. Your appearance isn't as important as you think, and you cannot let it tear you apart.

You are enough. I know you think you're not smart enough, not athletic enough, not skinny enough, not tall enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough, and you feel that you're lacking so many qualities you envy when you see in others. But one day you will realize that everyone has their own struggles, and every person has demons they are trying to defeat. You will feel alone in your journey to happiness, and it is one that doesn't just end abruptly. You don't just achieve happiness and that's it. Happiness is something you have to constantly strive for, and it's something that will come and go. If you were to feel happy 24/7, you wouldn't fully appreciate what it even means to be happy. To fully appreciate everything you are given in this life, you have to experience adversity, and it's not something that's going to be easy.

But if life were easy, would it be as rewarding in the end?

-Ashley