Longing for the Sea

change

Oh my god, I'm so different now.

A year ago, I was so self concious of how I looked. But now, I'm confident in my appearance and how I look. I'm perfectly fine with being unique and expressing myself through my makeup and clothing. I even do my hair differently--and it looks a lot better than it used to.

I'm vegan now. Yeah. A year ago, I was obsessed with meat. I thought you had to have it in every meal. I'd had fleeting thoughts of going vegetarian, but I didn't think I had the self control to do something like that. But here I am, writing this, and I haven't had meat in over two months. I haven't had any animal products in a month. I'm really proud of this change I've made in my life. I'm so much healthier than I used to be, and I've lost a ton of weight. A lot of my old clothes don't fit me anymore because my figure is much more slender than it used to be.

A year ago, I wasn't taking medication for my mental health. I'm currently taking hydroxyzine, and I quite like it. It helps me fall asleep, and it decreased my anxiety levels. My antidepressant, however, isn't really working. Venlafaxine used to be a good fit for me, but I find myself crying nearly every day; this hasn't been an issue in weeks. I'm not sure if I want to stop taking it altogether of if I want to try a new medication. It's difficult to not give up and continue to fight this, but I know I can do it. I've made it this far, and I know I can get even further than this.

I'm dating my best friend. Now that's a big change. I don't know what else to really say other than...wow. A year ago, I had a huge crush on him, and we were just friends. Now, we've been dating for three months.

The biggest change that's happened in my life is my mindset about life. While I cry a lot and constantly feel emotional, I'm so happy. I laugh all the time, have great friends, and love life so freaking much. I used to hate it; I used to hate getting up in the morning and going to school. But I finally see the beauty in every situation, and I see the beauty in every aspect of my life.

I used to hate myself. I used to care what other people thought about me.

But I'm so carefree now, and I live my life with so much more ease than I did before.

I'm so excited for the future. I'm so excited to see what my life has in store for me. I've never looked forward to the future like this; I used to think I didn't have a future at all.

But I'm so ready. I'm so ready to live my life and explore. I'm so ready to meet new people, go new places, try new foods, and live my life like I never have before.