HARRY POTTER AND THE NOT SO REJECTED HANDSHAKE- @my_ships_dont_lie

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by interhousecommunity

by interhousecommunity

Review by Vivi

First of all, great start! Drarry Fanfictions have never quite appealed to me, but I did enjoy reading yours.

Chapter one was repetitive, featuring many parts we already read in the original story. I like the idea of replaying the platform nine and three quarters scene, but some of it dragged on for a bit too long, especially when setting the station scene. Some bits on the train could have been a little shorter too, if possible.

As for Harry's first encounter with Draco, it really surprised me how different Draco Malfoy's persona was- much calmer, and friendlier. He seems to already have his sixth year's mixed emotions. It also came off a little odd when he started blubbering about his father's New Year Eve Ball. My best advice is maybe to put a bit more immaturity and arrogance in his character, after all, he was only eleven. Your way of portraying him does benefit the fact that he was very lonely during childhood, but I feel that the Draco I've known had kept that behind his arrogant self, at least for his first few years at Hogwarts.

The hook you left at the end of the first chapter was very affective, good job for that. But another thing I want to point out was how quickly Draco came out and expressed his thoughts to Harry. It is a good idea to do so, in starting their friendship, but I think you might want to save that for a few chapters on, further developing his background and personality. Of course, your way of presenting Draco might contribute to the plot later in the story, so these are only suggestions.

Your characterisation throughout the book was very effective. Especially when Draco corrected Harry on his choice of wording, or when he thought: Stupid Potter, Idiotic Potter...etc. between lines. The argument was a little too long, in my opinion, but your contrast of speech and thought could never be more perfect. Again, to make Draco reflective of the first chapter, don't let him open up so much just yet. But good job in making that tension, it created a nice love-hate relationship between them.

Okay, here is my favourite turn of your story, the sorting. Though I can't imagine little first year Harry making long, elegant strides, his "conversation" with the hat wrapped everything up. Without the bad first impression with Draco, which led him to be less paranoid about Snape, his thoughts and opinions were life changing. If not perfect for your AU. The only something you might want to change though, is his acquaintance with Ron and Hermione on the train. In the original book, both of them had determined Gryffindor as the 'best house'. But in this case, Harry came up to the sorting without a particular preference, in doing that, Ron and Hermione could be introduced later(or just very briefly on the train.)

That's all I'm going to unprofessionally critique on Harry Potter and the not so Rejected Handshake. I hope you have found this helpful, and have a wonderful day @my_ships_dont_lie . Keep up the great work, and good luck on your story. I can't wait to see how it turns out!

♡-Vivi