Review of A New Handsome, Arrogant, Toe-rag written by @Erkaroo
Written by Jennifer
First things first, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. It's a great plot with great twists on the characters. The punctuation and spelling could be better but only occasionally. Though I overall enjoyed it, not every story is perfect, so here are a few things to work on.
In my opinion, it goes slightly too fast. At the start, Harry proclaims that he has a crush on Ginny, but it's when he's in his first year. I would recommend moving this to second or third year so that the feelings could develop slower.
As for later on in the book, Ginny gets moved up a year. I, myself, do not believe that a student would get moved up, no matter how clever they are. If you want her to be in Harry's year, start her in his year, it is fanfiction.
Regarding those two points, I would start in the second or third year if nothing exciting happens. It would just make someone get bored.
Now, I have to congratulate you on ickle prongslet. I couldn't stop laughing as it is so like Sirius and James to call him that. It is perfection.
I would also break up the dialogue. Sometimes it is just big chunks of dialogue and sometimes it get a bit too much. For example, in Chapter 8: "What house do you guys want to be in?" Ginny the asked, glancing between the two, biting her lip slightly. "I think I will be in Gryffindor, whole family as been." Instead of: "what house do you guys want to be in?" Ginny then asked. "I think I will be in Gryffindor, whole family has been.". It just adds a bit of character.
I love how much thought you have put into this story. It makes sense that Snape is not in it, since the reason he taught and such was because Lily died. With her alive, he has no purpose.
A slight problem with the names that are called out. It is "Lovegood, Luna" not "Luna Lovegood". There's also Hagrid's speech, it's more like "'ow are yeh?" Not "how are you?".
During the patronus casting, I did not like Lupin's POV. I think your Ginny POV, your Harry POV and the third person is much better than it and it was not necessary.
I like that you researched your story. There are quite a few examples of this, such as Colloshoo.
However, you failed to remember that the Golden Trio era happened during the 90s. With the date (which was adorable) ripped jeans and converses were NOT in style. It was more like this:
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Let's end this on a high note. The ending is incredibly sweet. I was awing all the way through the epilogue and I love that you included them with James Sirius Potter's new crush.
So, overall, I think your story is very good. With a bit of polishing it can become great and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
I hope this review is helpful and I wish you luck on your writing.
