Erotomania (Killing Stalking fanfic)*DISCONTINUED*

Chapter 14

Sangwoo had never felt even a shred of self-pity before. He hadn't when he killed his father, and he'd almost felt something when he'd killed his mother, but the feeling was fleeting, much like a small flame. Yet, as he watched Bum sleep, the feeling hit him like a head-on collision, knocking him breathless. It was frustrating. Sangwoo was quite proud of his ability to control his emotions. Yet, Yoon Bum had come along, ruined everything, and Sangwoo didn't care.

He felt his chest tighten when he noticed the way that Bum winced as he was set down one the couch. And he noticed the way that Bum looked at him, his eyes empty, devoid of life. It was a look that he'd noticed before, that told of years of abuse. Sangwoo was the only one who'd noticed, of course, and he'd told himself that he wouldn't be like the others, and still, he went and fucked up.

Bum had fallen asleep a while ago, into what seemed like a deep, dreamless sleep. It was then that Sangwoo carried him to the bed; Bum wouldn't let him close when he was awake.

Sangwoo watched as the other's chest rose and fell. Like waves on a peaceful night. Slivers of moonlight made their way into the room, illuminating Bum's pale, white skin, as well as the purple of the bruise that Sangwoo left behind. He brushed his thumb across Bum's cheek, feather soft, so he wouldn't wake him. It was a shame that he'd marked him like this, instead of in other, more pleasurable ways.

"I have my own sleeping beauty," he whispered. "Right here, just for me."

He ran a covetous hand down Bum's legs, stopping himself from going further. Not tonight. He'd have to keep his dick in his pants until Bum healed more.

Sighing, Sangwoo gently parted Bum's legs again, assessing the aftermath of what he'd done. Bruises littered Bum's delicate thighs, some of them already a sickly purple-green color. There was still blood, but thankfully, there wasn't as much as before. It didn't do much to reassure him, however; Bum's hole was still a swollen, angry, red. The inside was probably even worse. He stared, horrified, and he realized that he would have to do something about that soon. It could easily get infected, and he didn't want to risk a hospital visit. Sangwoo had heard from someone that aloe vera helped with stuff like this, or at least with the stinging. Surprisingly enough, he actually had some tucked away in a drawer.

Before he did anything else, Sangwoo made sure to tie up his lover's hands, worried that he'd struggle, not comprehending Sangwoo's good intentions. And, Sangwoo decided, it was way too late to deal with bullshit like that.

Sangwoo squirted some of the aloe onto his finger, first spreading some on the reddened skin around Bum's asshole.

Bum groaned in his sleep.

"Don't give me that. I'm trying to help you."

He continued, becoming engrossed in his task. Regardless of the situation, Sangwoo reveled in the closeness, the intimacy, of being inside his lover. And the fact that Bum was tied up provided even more opportunity for Sangwoo's fantasies to manifest. It was so easy for him to imagine what it would be like, to tie Bum down and make him feel good.

Shit. Now was not the time. Especially not, since Bum was showing signs of waking. He let out confused, pained gasps.

"W-what," Bum slurred.

"I'm almost done, don't move."

"Please don't hurt me."

"Bum, for fuck's sake-"

"Leave me alone!"

Sangwoo pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, glad that he'd tied Bum's hands together. He held the bottle of aloe in front of Bum's face, as if trying to prove that he wasn't, in fact, harming him.

"See? I'm trying to make it better."

Thankfully, Bum seemed to relax, if only a small bit. Still, he kept wide, cautious eyes on Sangwoo, waiting for him to go back on his promise.

"I swear, I'll make everything better," Sangwoo said.

He wasn't expecting an answer, so he was slightly startled when Bum decided to grace him with a response.

"You're just like him."

Sangwoo stilled.

"What?"

"You're no different from everyone else!"

It stung. Sangwoo knew it was true. Yet, the hand that had been resting on Bum's thigh suddenly tightened, and Bum immediately shut his mouth.

"Fuck you," Sangwoo said, dangerously quiet, previous irritation turning into anger. He removed his fingers from Bum's ass, and then straddled him leaning in close. Bum curled up as much as he could with his injuries, and looked up at Sangwoo with those large eyes of his, even though Sangwoo told him plenty of times that he wouldn't hurt him.

"I bet they wouldn't take care of you like I have, wouldn't cut off dicks for you. Would they, Bum?"

He frantically shook his head.

"Would they kill for you, Bum?"

"N-no, Sangwoo," he croaked.

"You have no idea what I'd do for you, what I've done for you, so don't compare me to him."

Bum nodded.

"Good boy," Sangwoo praised. "I love you."

He pulled up Bum's underwear. Then, he laid down beside him, pulling him closer and drawing the covers over them both. He ignored the fact that Bum didn't say, 'I love you too, Sangwoo.' Laying here was just enough for the moment, though Bum's lack of a response bothered him much more than he cared to admit.

The day after that seemed to drag on. It didn't help that Sangwoo kept his eyes on him at all times, which proved to be a problem when Bum needed to go to the bathroom, or when he needed to shower. All he wanted was to be alone, and yet he couldn't even have that. He couldn't even be free from the sight of his kidnapper and rapist for a few minutes. He hated it. He hated the way that Sangwoo's touch would linger, the way that he'd look at him like he was pure gold. He hated everything, and Bum began to feel the familiar feeling of stress building up, as well as the need for relief, even if it was just temporary. Maybe, he could make it permanent. That was how he found himself in the kitchen, a knife lined up vertically against his wrist. Maybe, he could just end everything. He'd been putting it off for too long.

The blade had barely bitten into his skin when Sangwoo came rushing into the kitchen.

"Bum, what the fuck?" he said, before snatching the knife from his hand.

"Give it back!"

Bum tried to grab it, but Sangwoo held it out of his reach.

"What the actual fuck were you thinking?"

Sangwoo slid the knife out of reach, then pulled Bum towards him, holding him tightly.

"I just want to die, Sangwoo. I'm so tired," he sobbed. "Please just let me end it. I hate being alive."

"You know I can't let you do that."

"Please just kill me."

"Bum-"

"You've killed other people. I'm not different than them."

Sangwoo's arms stiffened.

"Nothing's going to take you from me. Not even you."

He buried his face in Bum's hair, a favorite pastime of his.

"Not even me."