Jace cheats on Clary. Evil Jace

Deserving Death

Jonathan POV

Everything seemed to slow down all the chaos behind me seemed to stop. Jace's howls of pain. The demons screeching's. The hard wind caused by the giant flames coming from Jace that were almost coming out of the roof of the Cathedral and the unsteady feeling of the mass demon presence. The only people that mattered were those who were in front of me. Simon, Magnus, Alec, Isabelle, Rose. These people who I had caused so much pain. These people who I thought for a few seconds would accept me as one of their own. Friends. I felt like laughing, I felt like crying. All of them had first accused me of planning this, of making Jace this way on purpose. Only a few seconds ago they were all ready seraph blades in hand to kill me. But now that they know that I didn't intend to do this. They cared. Their eyes held guilt, admiration and worry. Isabel and Alec no longer gripped their seraph blades in anger but held it until their knuckles became white. To stop the tears falling from their eyes. 

My shaking hands held the blade against my chest. I knew this was coming I thought I would be prepared. I thought I didn't care. 

I laughed at myself. I never thought I would be crying I thought as my tears fell onto the blade. I never thought I would want to stay for them. For these people I now called my friends. Even if they didn't agree.

Thank you for giving me this second chance. This second life. Thank you for being my friends.

Clary... Im sorry I couldn't stay and be the green eyed brother you wanted. I really wanted to. Maybe in another life. I thought as I looked up at the sky. I never thought I would die in this abandoned old cathedral. 

I raised my arms further so that the blade would pierce right through my chest. 

"My last thought?"I asked myself out loud. I didn't feel sad I didn't feel anything as I took one last look at the stars and closed my eyes. I could feel a tea slip down my cheek. 

I brought the blade down hard against my chest. And I was erupted in heavenly fire. I felt the familiar feeling of burning. I welcomed it like an old friend. Death, something I thought had escaped. I didn't deserve to be forgiven I thought. I didn't deserve to have a second chance after everything I had done even if my own body had forced me to do it. I felt my legs give out and I fell to the ground, my head hit the ground and just as I thought I had no strength left. Like the flames had taken every bit of it. I looked at Clary's crying face. Saw her running to me. The desperate look in her eye the never ending stream of tears that fell from them. I smiled. I promised not to make her cry again but here we are. I really am pathetic. I really don't deserve her love. Any of theirs I thought as I looked at everyone's worried faces as they all ran towards me. I guess these are my last thoughts. Wether I deserved to live again, wether I deserved to be a friend, a brother.

Or did I?