Snag Reads Her Old Fanfiction

Chapter One: Intro

Oh boy proceed with caution because it gets worse and worse as it goes.
Welcome to a book where I read the Warrior Cat fanfiction I write two years ago.

The normal text is the story and the bold text is me now.

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@ Streamfur This is my contest entry, and I started a few days before the deadline. AHH STRESS!! lol Well, here it is! ~Swagtastic98
Who starts writing an entire book days before the deadline? What was I thinking?

Embersoar woke up in a damp, cold place, The cold wind rattling the branches, making her whiskers tingle. Where am I?
I said cold twice. And also apparently Embers is really stupid.

Her bones ached as though she had been sleeping on stone all night. Embersoar slowly stood up and scented the air, her pelt tingling with nervousness. There's something off about this place... She thought, her nose twitching.
Really? There is? Never would have guessed.

Just then, a screech rang through the dark trees, and a black cat bowled her off her paws.
Because all cats from the dark forest have black pelts.

"Ahh!" Embersoar screeched, startled. The other cat pinned her down, it's claws digging into her shoulder fur. "Who are you!?" She panicked. "What's going on?!"
"It's" ....I could not grammar. Also if a cat attacked you, you should probably fight back instead of bombarding it with questions.

"Shut your muzzle, or I'll shut it for you!" The cat growled, its deep voice raspy.
Ooh I'm scared now.

Embersoar struggled against the cats grasp in vain, but it was no use. Whoever that cat was, Skypride ( A/N Starclan, for all you other warrior cats lovers) had granted it with very strong muscles.
Why would you put an authors note right in the middle of a sentience?? The reader could infer this information anyways!

Embersoar stopped struggling, light headed with fear and exhaustion. The strange cat got off of her and held a small, dark stick in it's mouth that seemed to glow purple.
And she didn't even try to get up or run away???

"This will only hurt for a heartbeat," It growled. Embersoar's eyes widened as it raised it's head, the stick in it's mouth, and stabbed her chest with it. The pain was unbearable. Embersoar screeched and writhed in agony as the horrible pain spread throughout her body. She couldn't tell, but she thought the cat smiled, then all faded into a foggy blackness.
Wow. Now I feel like she kind of deserved it.

Also, wakes up from apparently being unconscious then gets knocked out again. I'm surprised she doesn't have more brain damage.

Feel free to comment on parts of this!! I'd love to see your responses as well!!