A Breath Of Fresh Air

The Happiest Day

The Happiest Day

     I stand still and let the breeze flow through my hair.  It would be nice up here if there weren't so many damned people yelling at me and watching me (granted, I can't really hear them all that well, but it's fairly obvious they are yelling at me).  There are countless people standing on the ground, 18 floors below me, looking at me as if I've lost my mind.  I laugh it off, grab the bottle of gin and speak to it, "I wonder what people will be saying after this," I laugh maliciously and nearly lose my balance.  "That was close," I whisper before taking another swig of the now-warm alcohol.  Lord knows I've needed help for years, and now that I am living on my own, I can solve all of my problems on my own with a simple jump.

     I smile and let the wind brush through my hair again as I gently teeter on the ledge of the building.  The people below are still watching me as if in awe or shock or something.  Doesn't this sort of thing happen every day?  Mothers turn their heads away and cover childrens' eyes.

     My phone rings.  sigh.  It's mother.  I can hear her sobs once I answer the phone, but I know it's just a stage act.  I know that if I listen to her slurred cries and her pleading, she will take me back under her care and hurt me again.  She does this to all of her children.  There were four, five, six of us?  I'm not sure (my childhood is a blur, especially in this particular moment from everything in my bloodstream).  She just yells and screams at us all.  Even if she's not drunk (which she usually is anyway), she still beats us with an old, worn, leather belt (or with a splintering two-by-four) and knocks down our self-esteem to an almost non-existent level.  Yet she still wonders why every single one of us hates our lives and has died from over-dosing or simply bleeding out.

     Her cries slow and change into a threatening tone, "I swear to god, Rae, if you don't  come down from there I'm gonna--"

     "Too slow, momma.  I'm done with your bullshit."  All of  sudden, she stops speaking.  I smile and take a deep breath in.  "Bye," I say to the phone as I watch it slowly descend to the ground.  I hear the sirens in the distance, but they were also too slow.

     I spread my arms out and let myself fall with the wind and off the edge of the building.  The weight of the world has just been lifted off of my shoulders.  I have never felt so free and independent in my life.  That was the happiest I had ever felt.