S T R U M

L I V E

  The pain started on a Monday,

       The earth shattering pain.

I couldn't move, I couldn't form words as my my mouth tried desperately to make a sound.

All I could do was scream and cry and wait.

Wait for it to go away.

My heart seared like it was on the hottest place in the galaxy,

    The pain hurt more than a heartbreak.

So I screamed again and again again.

I screamed until my throat was soar and I could barely keep my eyes open.
----
Beep
Beep
Beep

I woke up seeing white walls and a worried man.

   My mouth felt dry and the pain still lingered in my chest.

Hands flew to mine as words of worry filled my ears.

"I'm ok, I'm ok" I whispered unknowing of where I was or if I was ok.

I could barely make out what he was saying as his sweaty palms enclosed mine.

"I'm ok"

"...."

I blinked lethargically, my body burdened
With exhaustion.

"Where am I?"

His eyes were dark and red and he looked like
    He had been told he could never sing again.

"Reggie, what was wrong with me?"

I tried sitting up only to have him hold my shoulders down to keep me from moving.

   My body felt numb,
       Like I was left in an ice bath for the past 8 hours.

"Reggie what happened, why can't I feel anything?"
Panic was laced in my groggy voice.

"You're on a lot of mess right now, for the pain."

"What?"

"You have a tumor on the left ventricle of your heart. The doctors here are saying that there's nothing they can do. But don't worry we'll figure this out, we always do. There are thousands of amazing surgeons out there. They'll take it out and you'll be as good as new. You'll go on tour with me, we'll travel to Paris and Rome. You'll meet Ellen-"

A sob erupted that I couldn't suppress, the pain felt worse than earlier
    When I was alone
       And it felt like my chest was collapsing.

I felt paralyzed,
   I felt empty,
       I felt broken.

Reggie's eyes searched for mine smoothing the stray hairs out of my face and tucking back the emotions that were so close to spilling out.

"Hey hey, shhh. It going to be ok sweetheart, I'm going to take care of you. We're going to be ok."

I kept on weeping,

    Not knowing how my heart could love a man who loves me too and decide to give up.

We were supposed to have so much more,

    Reggie deserved more.

I deserve more.

I was supposed to become a lawyer,
    Get married to Reg,
Have kids

   Live a long happy life.

I was supposed to live.

I was supposed to travel and learn about tribes in Asia,

    Ride a bike across Virginia,

Skinny dip

             
                   Get piss drunk

Swim in the bluest ocean

      Try new food

Love Reggie more.

I was supposed to not have a fucking time bomb in my heart,

The heart I gave away to Reggie,

     The dying heart that I know will kill Reggie. 

Because his pretty eyes looked dull and tired as he forces a smile squeezing my numb hand.

     Because i was his world and his sun and his air.

And a man can't live without air.

~~~

This isn't my best writing but I felt like updating