S T R U M

H A W A I I

India was beautiful,
      China,
  Switzerland,
Germany,
    And Minnesota too.

The people were so nice, the culture was so intriguing,
    And the doctors too.

They would start off with a smile, small talk to get me more comfortable,
   Some would even ask if Reggie and I were dating

Before

They

Dropped

A

Radioactive

Bomb.

All of them said the same thing,

     The tumor was getting larger,

           The surgery wouldn't be successful,

It was the biggest that they'd seen.

Reggie begged them to do something, to take another look, to run some more tests,
     But they all said the same thing.

"There's nothing I can do."

I sat quietly as Reggie would continue barraging them with questions and references,
      Telling them to give him a price and he'd pay.

But I would look into their eyes, a
    Solemn,
       Knowing,
And peaceful look.

A look that said in a thousand words  "I understand."

I understand that life inevitably ends,
    I understand that I have little time left,

        I understand that Reggie and I have little time left,

   I understand that we'll never have a 30th wedding anniversary or an anniversary at all.

I understand that I'm dying.

~~~
He rented out a jet to fly us back to Boston so that I would feel more comfortable,

    So I didn't tell him that sometimes my chest hurt so much that I'd rather die.

   I didn't tell him that I get so sad sometimes thinking about what the world would be like without me, what his world would be like without me.

All I did was smile and say okay.

My head rested against the small
Window as I gazed at the sparkling shoreline of  Hong Kong.

The lights were sparkly and blurry like an old memory.

    The waters glistened underneath the moonlight as if it were reciting a love poem. 

Reggie's hand was locked with mine, holding my numb hand tightly like I would dissapear into thin air if he didn't.

"I don't want to go looking for doctors to operate on me anymore."

   His eyes landed on the side of my head as I gazed at the twinkling lights beneath me.

"You can't be serious Ada."

"I'm so tired, Reggie."

His hand left mine and my palm felt cold and barren.

"You don't think I'm tired too? It's almost like you want to leave me, you always want to leave me. Am I not good enough?"

I blinked once,

"I'm dying Reggie."

"Don't say that, your not going to leave me. There's so much more for us, we were supposed to grow old together and go to our kids soccer games. Our life is just starting sweetheart,"

His voice sounded choked, like something was sucking all the life from out of him.

"I'm sorry Reggie,"

I held both of my hands together,
  And I blinked twice.

"I love you Adalise, don't do this please,"
    His voice sounded hoarse and weak as he pleaded grabbing my numb hand once more, "we haven't tried everything, there's a surgeon in Seattle who works on these cases all the time. You can't give up now. Please do this, for me.

"I'd like to go to Hawaii. I've always dreamt of going as a kid. I'd also like to get married under the sunset, and jump into the ocean."

My eyes shut tightly as I heard quiet sniffles beside me, and the coldness of my empty hand again.
     This pain was worse than my dying heart.

"Then we'll go to Hawaii, sweetheart."

As I opened my eyes a salty tear glided down my cheek, and a soft smile graced my lips.

    I hope there is a heaven so I can look down at Reggie and see if he's ok once in a while,

     Because he deserves the world.