Phoenix || Malia Tate

26

Things do not get easier. Malia thought they would've, had hoped they would've, but her heart just gets heavier and heavier as each day without him goes past. She hates that she's so hung up on him, that she still cares for him after what he did, after what he let Ellie do. Malia knows her and Phoenix can never be, not after everything. She just wishes her heart knew that too.

Of course, this does not go past the pack. They all notice how she has to take these little moments in between tasks, as if she needs to take a second to will her heart to go on, to process what's happened before she can get back to business. They notice how, despite clearly being heart broken, she forces herself to go on. Because that's what she does. She deals with the hurt and she goes on. And it's because this is what she does, because this is who she is, that the pack decide not to question her. The last thing she needs is to be bombarded with "are you okay?" or "do you want to talk about it?" Scott figures she'll talk when she's ready, and they should give her space until then.

Peter has other ideas.

One day, he and Malia are partnered up to make sure that no hunter has murdered a certain wendigo named Chris Pineworth. Malia drives. The car is silent and Peter can't help but notice the way she grips onto the steering wheel, so tight her knuckles are paler than Stiles Stilinski in the winter. He watches her carefully, watches the taunt in her expression and the overall stress she gives off. Peter decides then that he can't watch anymore. He clears his throat.

"So," Peter starts off. Now that he's opened his mouth, he realizes he's unsure of how to actually start a conversation with his biological child. With Derek, it was easy, because Derek grew up with him. Malia didn't. He doesn't know a single thing about her, other than that she has her mother's eyes and has some serious anger issues. "How's, um... How's school?"

Malia glances at him weirdly, a little surprised. "How's school?"

"Yeah," Peter nods. "Senior year, right? I hated that year. I mean, it was great because it was the last year of school, but God, it sucked ass."

"I find it hard to believe you did any of the work," Malia comments with a scoff.

"I didn't. I was too busy helping my sister run the pack and raise Derek and his sisters to do the work."

"Oh."

Malia feels bad for a moment, but then she doesn't because that is exactly what's happened to her and her friends. Too busy saving the town to do the work. Too busy falling for the enemy to do the work. Too busy fucking it all up to do the work.

There's silence.

And more silence.

Peter clears his throat again. "I know I'm probably overstepping my boundaries or whatever –" god, this'll be good "- but you seem to... that boy... That Rosary kid. You like him?"

Awkward. Uncomfortable. All of the above. Malia doesn't take her eyes off the road, but her shoulders do go stiff at the mention of Phoenix. "You are my father, but you don't have to act like it. You don't have to pretend to care."

"But I do care."

"Bullshit," Malia calls, turning her head to look at him. Her expression is hard, eyebrows drawn as she stares daggers at him.

The stare is so intense Peter is actually almost intimated. Yes, he thinks. No doubt about it. She's definitely my daughter.

"No. Not bullshit. Look," Peter stops himself, wriggles slightly in his seat. God, this entire situation is so foreign and so goddamn uncomfortable. "Asking you to kill Kate Argent, using you like that – I shouldn't have done that. I know that. I'm trying... I'm not gonna lie about being a shit person, I know I am. But I'm trying to make Derek proud. To make you proud. That's why I was working with Scott. To try to make things right, even though I know they may never be. You're my daughter, Malia, and despite a really crappy track record and being absent for most of your life, I do care."

The confession takes Malia by surprise, and she doesn't quite know what to make of it. He sounds sincere. His heart rate indicates that he is being sincere. But what does this mean? Are they father and daughter now? Like actually, father and daughter now in a sense that isn't just biological? If he cares, does she?

No, she realizes. She doesn't. But maybe she could.

"School's fine. Sucks. But fine." Malia glances at him sideways. "And yes. I did like him."

"Did?" Peter questions.

Now it's Malia's turn to shift in her seat. "I, uh..." She realizes then that she doesn't have an answer. Because she does miss him. Past, present, no doubt future. She misses everything about him so goddam much it hurts. His scent, his smile, his eyes and how they are quite literally the prettiest green she's ever seen. Especially in direct sunlight. In direct sunlight, it is like the forest is alive in him. And she misses the way his entire body just reacts to hers and the way they somehow fit into each other like a jigsaw puzzle. Like, when they hugged, and it was as if he was just tall enough and she was just rigid enough. Or when they held hands and it was as if his hands were just big enough to envelop hers so right and so perfect. 

But most of all, she misses the way he made her feel. Like she was beautiful and strong and worthy of everything. When they were together like that, physical and close, she felt safe. She felt like she belonged.

She misses that.  But she's not about to tell Peter. They are not there. Not yet.

"There's more important things to focus on than whether or not I miss him," Malia finally says.

This is a lie and Peter knows it.

"That is true," he says. "But nothing is more important than your wellbeing."

Malia can't believe he just said that. In all honesty, neither can he. That is not something Peter Hale would say. But somehow, he just did.

"Yes, there is," Malia tells him. "The wellbeing of Chris Pineworth and Stella Silvering, and Daniella Gordon and everyone else on that damn list."

"You sound like Scott," Peter responds.

"Yeah, well, maybe Scott has the right idea."

Neither of them says anything after this.

*

Yes, Chris Pineworth is named in honor of  Chris Pine and Chris Hemsworth.