Phoenix || Malia Tate

31

Things in the McCall house are not as intense as Phoenix thought they would be. Scott's mom, Melissa, is more than happy to help out the teenage boy in need, and Scott himself even gave up his bed for Phoenix. It all confuses the green-eyed boy. He's supposed to be the enemy. He's the reason Scott almost died and countless already have. They shouldn't be embracing him this much. And then it hits him with a shuddering force: Scott doesn't blame Phoenix for what happened to him. He should. Phoenix himself does. But for some reason, Scott doesn't. For some reason, Scott sees Phoenix as an equal.

Phoenix wants to ask Scott about it. He should. He decides against it. It wouldn't do him much good to hear Scott's explanation on why he forgives him when Phoenix doesn't even forgive himself.

Its torture, what he's doing to himself. Thinking of all this stuff while he watches her, wracking his brain to figure out the how's and the why's of an impossible situation. Phoenix stands by the window, staring at Malia, who sits in her car just a few feet away, torturing himself. Scott and Malia are taking the school shift for patrol while everyone else attends class and keeps an eye on the school. Malia's waiting for Scott. Phoenix wishes she was waiting for him.

It hurts, so much more than he thought it would, to stand and watch and wish for her the way he is. It aches his soul and his heart and every part of him is so damn sorry he didn't tell her about Ellie. If only he hadn't been so ashamed and afraid to tell her the truth. If only he hadn't fucked up the greatest thing to ever happen to him.

He's walking out the front door and towards her before he can fathom what he's doing. Malia doesn't look up. She assumes its Scott. He crosses the front lawn and is standing in front of her car before she finally looks up. Her brown widen at the sight of him, like she'll never fully get used to seeing him outside of the den. She doesn't say anything. He's struggling to say something.

He stands awkwardly, weight shifting and mouth opening and closing, no words coming out. Malia eyes him carefully. He doesn't take his eyes off her until she moves to get out of the car. He turns his body slightly away.

"Phoenix?"

He feels like he is about to melt. It feels like it's been so long since his heard her say his name like that. He almost wants to ask her to say it again.

"It's not worth it," he says suddenly, turning back to face her.

Malia looks taken aback. "What is?"

"This. Everything. All this murder and hunter and werewolf shit, it's not worth losing you."

He can't stop looking her and she won't turn away. It is the first time since that day that they are looking at each other, really looking at each other like this. It's almost too hard to bear.

"I'm sorry I lied. I'm going to fix this." And then he's walking back inside, leaving her utterly stunned and completely speechless.

*

Malia is on his mind from then on, never letting him go, not even the slightest. It's not as if she wasn't all he thought of before, but now it's different. Now he's more determined than ever. He needs Malia to know that it wasn't a lie. Though he knows she'll probably never take him back and they'll probably never get to a good place again, he's determined to prove just how sorry he is, and more importantly just how wrong Ellie is. He's determined to not fuck it up this time. It's good. He'll need that determination to face what lays beyond the front door of his home.