Well, I swear that this is my honest option in your book and I don't believe in unnecessary burning so, erm, you're safe. Also if your book is based on any kind of show...please do tell me as I am not really a tv kind of person
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Title: A Second Shot Author: Sunburn_11 Genre: Teen Fiction (Though it felt more to the paranormal side to me, damn, that brought deep to a whole new level )
Chapters covered: Chapter 1, Epilogue,Prologue and Description
= Main Character(s)=
Avery ( The reincarnated form of Lali) Lali (Deceased but soul was inherited by Avery )
Other Characters=As of Chapter 1
Aiden (Avery's/Lali brother) Avery's Mother Avery's Father
=MAIN PLOT=
It starts off with a girl called Lali committing suicide when she was 17 in her village. And then came along another girl called Avery. Avery came to the exact same village with her family when she was 17 and it was so much so that when she went into the village, it was the precise time that Lali had killed herself. Because of the creepy precision of how Avery was the same age as Lali when she died and came into the village the same time Lali died,Lali's soul had found its alike and therefore had been restored into a new body- Avery's body. The story then goes on to talk about what happened.With two perspectives- Lali's and Avery's on what was going on.
=COVER PAGE= I'll be very honest here that if I looked at the cover alone, I would've thought it was a romance book and a couple was trying to have a second shot at getting back together. I mean...the backdrop was on a bed...and the girl...and then a second shot...it just clicked into my mind that it was a romance, less of a paranormal book.
Your cover should be depicting the gist of the book. For a paranormal book, I would say to go with the contemporary type like dark nd mystical colours one (especially since there was death involved and the whole plot revolves around life and death and reincarnation) You could maybe show a gun stained with blood? Cause Lali shot herself and also it would give a morbid and cool aura to your paranormal book. Whatever it is, this is just a suggestion but the takeaway is that your book is paranormal,no romance.So maybe tweak your cover into something darker, more morbid to give your readers a more paranormal feel.
Cover page score: 6/10
=Chapters and you front notes=
~FRONT NOTES(Warning part)~ I would say that it's okay. Judging that paranormal books need a skilled writer to write,in my opinion, you're not bad. However though, I felt that you were a bit informal on the part about suicide. You can try to give conclusive evidence that suicide isn't the problem and stuff like that. Imagine that you're a psychologist talking to someone instead of a friend speaking. Because your book is towards the serious and mature side so if you want your readers to feel inclined to listen to you and read on. Cause if its suddenly kiddish, its gonna give off a really weird feel.
Also...try not to say so explicitly "DON'T READ THIS BOOK" yes I know.Its deep and can inspire suicide but yeah.As a writer, your aim is to gather as many viewers by making the book enjoyable. You can hint by saying for example " This book is capable of manipulating suicidal thoughts from you so just brace yourselves and if you think that you're up to the challenge,read on at your own risk" there after add some motivational quotes or tell them that you will be there for them (like you already done so that's good) This way,no one can blame you if (touch wood) someone commits suicide after reading your book. I mean you warned them right?
~CHAPTER 1~ We it started off fine,it was vividly described and stuff. My only concern is the part Avery became Lali. Out of the whole chapter, it was the least describes part, which was a pity as that was the highlight of the whole thing- Avery inheriting Lali soul and becoming Lali. You could describe the feeling of Avery as she become someone else.Then later describe how Lali felt to finally have transformed into Avery.Was is weird?Did she panic? That's all for chapter one really. To summarise: It was a good start to the story but to use one sentence to sum up the major part of the story was not quite right.
=MY COMMENTS=
Yay!Your grammar is great!You are one of the people who has one of the best Grammar I know :D Because it was a short book, all my issues already have been raised is the previous paragraphs so...well, that's about all ;)
WILL I RECOMMEND YOUR BOOK?
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After through thought...
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Yes!I love deep books and these is one of the deepest I've seen! However I'll only recommend if the person I'm introducing too is see than 13 as 1) Its not for the weak hearted as it can inspire suicidal thoughts 2) Your style of writing will not be something someone below 12 would understand as it requires a lot of thought to understand what's going on.
=YOUR MARKS=
I would give you a
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8/10! WHOOP!
Here's how I judged...
Language:4/5 Content:4/5
I hope that this was constructive for you Sunburn_11...if there's anything you want to ask please comment here!:)
To the rest of you, if you want YOUR book to be featured next, please comment and I'll do it asap! Please vote this as if would really make my day ;) Once I know you've voted,I'll vote back too
Thank you so much for reading this and if you havnt, check out sunburn_11's A Second Shot now and comment your take here so that you can help her improve!
