Josh POV
It has been a month since Oliver died.
Since i last ate.
Since i last saw someone.
Since i went out.
I didn't go to the funeral, im glad i didn't, i know he hade to go at some point. But all the same it came as a shock when i woke up from having a beautiful night with the one i love to find him not breathing. He looked so peaceful it was hard to wrap my mind round it, i just cuddled him intill Lee came in to wake us up. My arms where locked around Oli and the boys couldn't get me to let go.
It was like my mind had collapsed i wasn't thinking straight. Actually i wasn't thinking at all my mind was blank, except i kept repeating the same words in my head 'ill see you soon' i was trying to work out why my mind was saying that but i finally know what it means.
I don't think i can stay here anymore.
By that i don't mean in this house i mean
In this world.
I know what people will say, he should have tried harder, it was just a crush he is 15 it was just a crush.
But the thing is it wasn't just a crush. Oliver saved me from myself he was the one who kept me sane. I'm not really sure what happens when you die but i just hope im with Oliver, its the only place i want to be, with him i am free.
Free from everyone, free from myself.
I hate myself so much. I cant even look at myself in the mirror without being physically sick,
Anyway just before i put the gun to my head and say goodbye i would just like to make one request. Bury me next to Oliver Sykes. Plant roses on are grave and watch them tangle together. Tell my mum i love her.
Goodbye.
