Till Death Do Us

TIPSY

Miss Boudreaux was looking straight at him. Dressed in a blood-red corseted dress with long sleeves, a sweetheart neckline, and a glimmering bejeweled choker, she was nothing short of stunning. Instantly, Phineas's face felt so hot with embarrassment that any sweat that might seep from his pores would have instantly sizzled.

Even more distressing, she now began to head their way, her red dress flowing and shimmering in the gas and candle light. Phineas's initial impulse was to quickly scan the room for the nearest exit. But just then Cousin Rudy stretched up on his toes and whispered into his ear, "Is she torrid or what? Go ahead and run, cuz, because I've just decided I prefer your friend to the artist."

The spike of jealousy that shot up his spine caused Phineas to straighten and hold his ground. The thought of Cousin Rudy getting his grubby hands on this lovely lass was utterly out of the question. And even though he suspected that his reaction was precisely what Cousin Rudy wished, he wasn't going to take any chances. His insides churning anxiously, Phineas forced a smile on his face while Miss Boudreaux sauntered toward them, her head cocked demurely. "Didn't I see you two in the Lux the other day?"

If there was one question Phineas was dreading above all others, this was it. No small talk. No idle pleasantries to begin with. Just straight to the point. Phineas jabbed his thumb in his cousin's direction. "I was, uh, looking for him. He's a bit of an inventor and mad scientist."

"At your service, Miss." Cousin Rudy took the opportunity to bow deeply. So deeply did he bow, in fact, that a half-smoked cheroot fell out of his breast pocket and onto the floor. Rudy plucked it back up and slid it behind his ear.

Miss Boudreaux gave them both a puzzled look, probably wondering what being a mad scientist could possibly have to do with being in a bawdy house. Meanwhile, being this close to her had begun to have profound physical manifestations in Phineas. If anything, she was even prettier close up than from afar. Plus she was wearing the most sweetly exotic fragrance. Not only was Phineas's heart drumming, and his palms moist, but his scalp felt tight and his ears, hot. His head felt as if it was filled with helium and might float away were it not affixed to his neck. And he felt the need to focus carefully on each breath to avoid forgetting to breathe entirely. Normally, the only times he ever felt this wound up and anxious was when he attending a run and throw competition and had given the hammer a sufficient enough heave to come within some sort of record.

But there were no hammers to heave here. No runners, shot-putters, or high jumpers, either. Just a crowd artsy Roques, and the single most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on.

Just then Cousin Rudy pointed at a very tall young woman with long burgundy hair, wearing a ruffled white blouse, maroon vest, and brown tiered skirt, all adorned with necklaces, chains and belts. "Oh, there's Myst. See you later."

He was gone before Phineas could react, leaving our hero in that strange state of experiencing two utterly conflicting and contradictory emotions – on the one hand, highly desirous of being with Miss Boudreaux and on the other, feeling terrified of being left alone with her. Breathes becoming even more quick and shallow, heart racing faster, and nerves tingling, Phineas forced a smile and offered his hand. "Phineas."

"Theodosia, but everyone calls me Tipsy." She shook his hand firmly. At her touch, Phineas felt so much energized turmoil whipping about inside him that he feared he might launch clear out of his boots. Meanwhile Miss Boudreaux cocked her head. "So what were you doing in the bawdy house the other day?"

Her hand was still clasping his. Phineas felt dazed, yet unwilling to let go. She had the most profound effect on him. Rather like finding one's head slammed between cymbals. Once again, he could not help but wonder how this extraordinarily lovely creature could possibly be engaged to marry a so dastardly and lowly a garden slug as Egon Von Titus-Barr Cadwell?

"Hello?" She gave him a curious look and gently slid her hand out of his.

"Oh, sorry." Phineas snapped out of his dazed meditation. "I was momentarily distracted. What was it you were saying?"

Tipsy repeated the question about what he'd been doing in the Lux.

Phineas swallowed and felt his cheeks, already warm, grow hot. Admitting that he'd followed her there was out of the question. "I suppose one could ask the same of you."

Tipsy dropped her gaze. "I... I had to pay a visit to my fiancé."

"In the bawdy house?" Phineas asked, puzzled.

Tipsy's eyes remained downcast. "He, uh... his name is Egon Von Titus-Barr Cadwell and he ... well, he likes to say that he has his fingers in many different enterprises here in Gravesend."

Phineas was startled. For just an instant he was certain he'd caught a whiff of something she might not have meant to reveal. That the utterly beautiful Theodosia Boudreaux might not be entirely contented with the nuptials that she'd committed to.