Till Death Do Us

WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE ARTIST

"Come to an art show with me," Cousin Rudy said, leaning in the doorway of the mortuary office while Phineas sat at his father's desk, sorting through papers. With his father still absent without explanation, Phineas had had to abandon his heart-broken plan to get as far away from Gravesend as he possibly could. To do so would have been horribly irresponsible to the family concern, as well as to the many generations of Stiffs who had preceded him, and to Cousin Rudy and Aunt Minnie, and to his father. Instead, Phineas had taken it upon himself, in his father's absence, to try to straighten the place up so that when Seymour returned — and Phineas was quite certain his father would return — he would be able to relinquish the corporate reins and then high tail it out of town.

What Phineas had discovered in the process was both daunting and ominous. Bills going back nearly half a year had not been paid. Invoices for funerals had not been sent. Death certificates unfiled. Death notices unsent. It really did appear as if over the winter during which Uncle Fillmore had blown himself up, his wife had left him for the used runabout salesman named Clearence, and the terrible Mix Up had occurred, that Seymour truly had given up the helm of the good ship Stiffs & Sons.

"Why should I go to an art show?" Phineas asked without looking up.

"Uh, because you haven't left this funeral home for two days?"

"Voluntarily."

"Come on, Finny, get out. Enjoy life."

The truth was that Phineas was having an extremely difficult time imagining just how life could be enjoyed now that Miss Theodosia Boudreaux had seen him in the Lux. One thing was certain: he couldn't possibly face her now. Not with the need to explain what he'd been doing in that bawdy house. And what of Cousin Rudy's point that she'd been there, too? He didn't know the answer, but clearly it had been a very brief stop. He knew that because he'd followed her there just moments before he'd spotted Cousin Rudy in the back row. And she'd left shortly thereafter. She'd certainly not been therelong enough to have engagede in any activity that would imply that she had any sort of formal association with the place.

So remaining holed up in second-floor business suite at Stiffs & Sons accomplished two purposes. He could straighten the place up, and avoid any accidental meeting with the young woman his heart still ached for.

"If I don't bring some order to this mess," Phineas said, "the only thing we'll be enjoying is the demise of this business."

"How about you come to the art show for my sake?" Cousin Rudy proposed. "I need a wing man."

Phineas looked up surprised. "You?" He'd never know his cousin to be the least bit shy or reluctant to engage the opposite sex.

"Wait till you see the artist," Cousin Rudy said with a wink.

"So? Since when have you ever needed moral support when meeting women?"

"What if she asks what I'm doing there?"

"Say you came to see the art," Phineas.

"Me?"

"It's just art, Rudy."

"And suppose she asks what other artists I like?"

"Tell her you've just started to get interested. You're a novice, but willing to learn," Phineas suggested, although they both knew the only thing Cousin Rudy had any real interest in learning was how to undo her corset.

Cousin Rudy shook his head. "Come on, Finny, join me. Then I can say you're the one who's interested in art. And don't pretend you're not. I've seen all the paintings in your room. Besides, you might actually discover you like her stuff."

It was true that Phineas's place was filled with art, a form of creative expression he admired and found comfort in. And it was also true that after three days he was weary of sorting through the stacks of papers his father's desk. He'd been at it from dawn till dusk and still hadn't gotten close to the bottom. And he hadn't even glanced at the piles on the floor. And heaven only knew what state of disorganization the filing cabinets were in.

"Just come for an hour," Cousin Rudy said. "Then you can come back here and work for the rest of the night if you wish."

Phineas sighed. For once his cousin was right. He should get out.