DIE TONIGHT 》 Ryden

4:24pm

RYAN'S POV

I've got somewhat a crowd of people here for me. And as I predicted, still no sign of Brendon. Spencer got here shortly after Jon called him, his eyes were bloodshot from all the crying he'd done.Z is still here. Jeremy and Ryland arrived following Spencer. Some mutual friends came along with them. A few fans tried to get in to see me saying they were one of my relatives, but Jon and Spencer put a stop to that.

Everyone's moved to the main floor waiting room with actual comfortable chairs, and room to sit; not on the surgical wing where Jon and Z were during my surgery.

Spencer took off walking, and I followed him wondering where was he going or what he was going to do. Just when it seems like we're never going to stop walking, we stop at an isolated waiting room. He takes a seat on the couch with a wooden frame, and I sit on the chair next to him.

"So that's it?" he starts, at first I think it's God he's talking too, but then I realized, it was me he was trying to reach out to, "We had a good night last night, you know. All the guys together again.." Spencer gives a half smile, "Do you remember the songwriting sessions for Pretty. Odd.? Like that time we were in your backyard just watching the clouds move along.. And when we were just fucking around in your kitchen because one of us took too long to get the food ready.." he sniffs and wipes at the tears that threaten to fall. "I.. I'm sorry, dude.. Here I am trying to make conversation with you.. " Spencer trails off, and stops fighting the tears, "Please don't die.." he sobbed, and put his head in his hands.

I hated this. I hated seeing the people I love in pain. But then I realized, I caused that pain. And the only way to stop it was to wake up. Only if I knew how. Even if I did, my life wouldn't be back to normal as soon as I got out of the hospital. I'd probably need someone to care for me and put my life in their hands. Sounds familiar? It's my current situation. And it terrifies me more than anything.

Spencer's phone goes off, and he stops crying to pick it up. I don't get a glimpse of who it is.

"Dude, I've called you like twenty times already!" Spencer yells, but I can tell he's trying to be as quiet as possible, "You better get your ass over here! I mean it.. Just.. You don't know what happened? Brendon, where have you been for the past few hours!?"

I feel like my dead heart skipped a beat. Brendon. He's talking to Brendon. How does he not know I got into a car accident?

"Brendon, listen up. I don't know what you did with Ryan last night, but you need to clear that up. Hell- maybe it's too late to clear that up.. This morning he got into a fucking car accident a-and right now.. God, he's comatose. Brendon, he's comatose.." At this point Spencer is sobbing, "Hello? Brendon are you there?.." he checks his phone, Brendon hung up on him. Spencer walks off into the elevator, possibly to go sit back with my crowd.

. . . 

You can't tell how much time has passed in the ICU. There's hardly any natural light, and there's the constant soundtrack of noise. It's the hum and whirring of medical equipment, the endless muffled pages over the PA, and the steady talk of the nurses. I'm not exactly sure how long I've been here, but the nice nurse that I liked said she was going home .

"I'll be back tomorrow, but I want to see you here, sweetie.." At first I thought that was strange. Wouldn't she want me to be home, or moved to a different part of the hospital? But then I realized she meant she wanted to see me in this ward, as opposed to dead.

The doctors keep coming in and pulling up my eyelids and waving around a flashlight. They are rough and hurried, like they don't consider eyelids worthy of being gentle to. It makes you realize how little in life we touch in each others eyes. Maybe your mom will give you an ice pack after being hit in the face. Or maybe your boyfriend will kiss you gently on your eyelid just as you drift off to sleep. Another nurse is at my side now, reviewing my charts, and going over things that I can't seem to understand with the head nurse. Assuming since she's always at the large desk up front. It's amazing the ways they watch you here. If they're not waving a light in your eye or reading your charts that waltz out of a printer, they're watching your vitals from a central computer. If anything goes wrong, an alarm will start to beep like crazy. At first it scared me, but then I realized it's the machines malfunctioning, not the people.