DIE TONIGHT 》 Ryden

6:21am

RYAN'S POV

It's early in morning, I'm waiting for the sun to come out. Just to see me for the last time. 

The sad thing is, I'm ready to let go. 

Inside the hospital, there's a different kind of dawn. You hear the rustling of thin bed sheets and the pulling back of curtains to see the sun rise. In a weird way, the hospital never goes to sleep. But you can still hear the sound of medical equipment powering up. 

One of my surgeons from earlier came back, only to pull open my eyelids and flash a light around. He frowns, and writes something down on his clipboard. Ah, yes, I know I'm such a disappointment, but thank you for taking the tape off! The eyes that I cannot feel are free from that stupid tape. 

I don't care anymore. I'm tired of all of this shit. The social worker is back on duty again. The brief amount of sleep she had gotten last night had helped her out. Her eyes still look like they wouldn't mind another hour of sleep, and her hair is a mess. She reads my charts and listens to the updates that Nurse Lee gives her about my trainwreck of a night. 

Oh yea, that reminds me, Nurse Lee is back. She said she was glad to see me here this morning, and that she was thinking about me last night.. While listening to my CDs, new and old. I didn't know she was a fan. Her eyes widened at the bloodstain on my blanket, and then she was off, getting me a new one, and then tucking me in once again. 

After Spencer left, I didn't receive anymore visitors. I was aware that it was pretty late, and everyone had to go home. Maybe Z ran out of people to tell that I was here. I wish he was still here. 

I like these nurses so much, I know it'll hurt them when I go. The thought of them going to my grave, mourning the loss of me breaks my heart. 

I'm so tired that I can barely blink. It's all a matter of time, and a part of me wonders what's with the delay. No- I'm wondering why I'm delaying the void. But then I know why. The horrifying realization. It's from that one visitor who promised me that they'd return. 

I'm waiting for Brendon. 

It feels like he's been gone forever, and I know it's only been six hours. But why has he been gone for six hours? Did he get into an accident? If he did, then maybe my ghost will meet his ghost, and then we'll talk it out then fuck in the janitor's closet. What a great thing to think about.

But he asked me to wait, so that's what I do. It's all I can do for him. 

My eyes are closed, so I hear him before I see him. His breathing is fast, like he ran straight from his house. Wait, did he? Then I smell sweat on him, he smells just like he did when we had sex. 

And then I open my eyes, Brendon's eyes are closed. His eyelids are pink and puffy; they remind me of the eyes I last saw in Cape Town. That's where he went, he went away to cry. My eyes look to the floor where a guitar is sitting on it's side. He moves his shaky hand up to mine, and cautiously runs his fingers over mine; I can tell he's afraid he might break me.

And then he lets go, burying his face in his hands, and he sobs. He cries. Letting his true emotions toward me show. 

When I die, it's going to hurt him too. It's gonna hurt him so much.

"H-hey," he manages, and tries his best to smile while looking at me. "I told you I was coming back. Now, here I am," Brendon's smile fades, "I'm sorry I took so long.. I just, well I gave my car keys to Spencer before I came up to see you earlier, but he took off, and took my keys with him.." he trails off, shaking his head, and getting a hold of my hand again, "So I ran home, and broke a window to get inside, cause Spence has my keys. And then I was just in my studio, crying and trying to reteach myself how to play.. Um.." Brendon's eyes fill with tears, but he inhales and then sighs, "I was practicing how to play Northern Downpour.. All for you.. I did it all for you.." He sobs, running his fingers through my hair, that is beginning to fall into faint curls.

"So then, while I'm crying and trying to play, the cops show up," This causes me to suddenly pay more attention, "they said that someone had broken in and I was like, 'No, no, no, it was me, I live here' and so on. So then I was telling them how I ran from the hospital and that I needed to go back, and then one of them gave me a ride back.. I'm so fucking thankful for that officer, you don't even know it." 

I hadn't noticed Nurse Lee standing there until she cleared her throat.

Brendon turned around, obviously startled by her, "Oh, shit, um, sorry.. Uh, did you need to do something to him?" He asks, backing up in his chair.

"Oh, uh, not really medical-wise, but I just wanted to talk to you about some things.." She trails off. A part of me already knew what she might ask- 'Are you guys still talking?' 'What happened in Cape Town?' and another common question, 'Is this song about him?'

Brendon nods, "Yea, sure, that's cool,"

"Okay," here it goes, "for one, I know my co-worker, Nurse Gilbert, you know, the one with blonde hair, blue eyes, told you that he was paralyzed." Brendon winces at the last word, I didn't expect that either, "I'm here to tell you that it's only temporary. She said she was trying to tell you more, but you burst into a puddle of tears," Brendon scoffs quietly, and nods, "It's going to be a while until he completely heals, and recovery is going to be absolute shit. I can tell you that. But if he's ever gonna walk again, he needs to do his part. I don't know how long until he'll wake up, but you tell him that you're still here.. Alright?"

Brendon smiles, "Alright."

"Now," she digs through her pocket, "a little angel was going to give this to you, but went away," I know she's talking about Allie, then she pulls out her closed fist, and opens it to reveal my charm bracelet, "One of the paramedics had taken it off him at the scene and it was just being passed from nurse to nurse, so I better give it to you.." She explains.

Brendon stares at the bracelet for a few second before taking it from her hand, and unlocking it. His hands float in the air, with my bracelet acting as a bridge. He smiles sadly at me, "His wrist is already taken up by all those hospital bands.." he trails off, before generously putting the bracelet around my wrist with the IV, and latching it shut. 

Nurse Lee slowly backs out behind the white curtain that acts as a door, Brendon looks back to make sure she's out of view. He gets up, and kisses me on the cheek, "You'll be okay, sweet boy.."