Flaws and All

(Chpt.11-12) Goodbye👋🏼

[Press Play above the title for this chapter's audio▶]💯👌😔

Chapter Eleven
-Fucking up-
~~~~
"When he called you in jail......, you didn't forgive him, did you....?"

I looked down. "I wasn't able to babe. I needed to get my life under control,...so I had to drop the dead weight that was holding me back. No matter how hard it was for me...., we just needed to end. I thought maybe it'll set me free finally..."
~
(Jacob's Pov)

"......Jay, What are you calling me for?" she asked me straight up.

"I just wanted to hear your voice Dyme,....I just missed you as all" I confessed.

"...I miss you too..."

"Really? I thought you hated me?"

".....Can you ask me something else.."

"Uh..okay. How's Desiree?"

"She's okay..."

"Can I speak to her?"

"I don't think so. She doesn't want to talk to you Jay, ...not after the incident. I tried to get her to talk to you by pretending you were on the phone but....she just wasn't cutting it. I'm sorry but...your daughter was effected by the incident too, not just me..."

I sighed deeply and pressed my head up against the wall. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Do you believe that?"

"I do. I can only imagine how it's effecting you too. I'm sorry you had to go to jail for this. I just wish it never happened"

"Same...." I agreed.

"How many years do you got?"

"Two more and then seven months *sighs*.....I'm a be in here for a while it seems. And I've already missed my daughter's 2nd birthday. .......I regret everything so much Dyme. You know I would never harm you,....not the real me. I was on that shit and I lost my mind. Then I lost you and my daughter......my freedom.....my rights....I lost everything"

"I know....."

"But um, don't feel sorry for me. I deserve it for...hitting you. I promise you when I get out.....I'll kiss whatever wounds I caused you..."

"....That's sweet of you Jay, but I don't think....there's going to be an "us" anymore after this. I forgive you though and I still....really love you but I think it's best if we say goodbye. Maybe when you get out....you can come visit your daughter and take her on the weekends or something..."

"No...I--I can't let you go again. I told you I'm sorry.....I'm so sorry" I started to tear up.

"Jay...--"

"Please Dyme.....I'm sorry for what I did. *cries* I'm already suffering enough. Please.....I ain't got nobody in here...."

I could hear her crying on the other end with me, making the phone call even more dramatic when both of us just cried to each other. It was always my biggest fear for her to leave me. That's why I always kept coming back and getting involved. She had my heart and the damn key. I just never wanted her to leave me😢

"Jay please-.....please stop crying okay. I know it's hard but....we've been without each other before. For three years we didn't speak nor see each other. So you can live without me..."

"I don't want to though......., what about my feelings yo"

She sighed. "Love you, okay. But I think it's time to say goodbye. If you love me like you say you do,....you'll understand that I need to get my life together too. You're not the only one depressed and lonely Jay. I'm haunted by memories of you choking me in front our daughter, that's my fucking reality! I was scared in my own house......, I was scared of you...but I love you too--and I need to end this shit. *cries* I need to. Maybe the nightmares will stop if I do. If I forgive you and if you.....leave me alone. Its like I'm asking you to set me free JayJay. I'm suffering just as much as you...."