Flaws and All

(Chpt.11-11) Finally Something🙂

Chapter Eleven
-Fucking up-
~~~~
:: 2 Months Later, November ::
(Jacob's Pov)

It's been three months since I've been in here, and it feels like it's been a whole damn year already. I die from boredom everyday....well when I'm not being picked on by Dead Eye and his niggas. They still mess with me from time to time, but after the incident at the phones, the guards keep a close eye on both of us. Making sure we won't end up killing each other somewhere where they won't notice.

But nothing has really changed. Dyme still isn't answering me...after months of calling her. Christine has been distant but still puts money on my tab for commissary. A few updates occurred on my case, where the judge assigned me to a counselor here in the jail for someone to talk to. So now I gotta go to therapy in here as well other than doing my time.

Which is actually where I'm heading now. As I passed by some of the inmates down the hall, I finally came up to a door labeled "Dr. Adams". I knocked first before I heard a woman say "Come in", giving me the opportunity to step inside of her office.

"Good afternoon, may I help you?" A brunette haired woman looked up from her glasses and a file.

"Hi uh--I was told to come here. I'm Jacob Allen..." I told her.

"Oh..my new client. Please, take a seat" She took off her glasses and folded them up.

I took the only single chair in front of her desk and looked around a little bit. Who knew I would be in therapy while I was in jail on top of that.

"So my name is Dr. Adams and I'm a therapist here at the facility. I'm the one you come to when you're feeling stressed, or....overwhelmed...or if you wanna get something off your chest, talk etc. Now the judge told me that you were a victim of substance abuse. What kind of substance were you on exactly?"

"Heroin...." I said simply.

"Why Heroin?" she asked.

"I don't know. I just needed some relief but it ended up fucking up everything anyways. I should've just put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger straight away if I knew I was going to end up like this..." I sighed, looking off to the side.

"So you're suicidal?"

"No. I'm just bored with my very stressful complicated life right now"

"What makes your life all those things?"

"I'm in jail...facing three fucking years on a misdemeanor charge at that. Its not like I was fully myself when I committed the crimes I did. I have no one to talk to, no one in my corner. I'm lonely, I'm depressed. I can't see my daughter, who I miss so much. I can't see the girl I love anymore because she hates me. The girl I was with is proably going to leave me soon. I just don't have anyone.."

"Mm, well I'm always here if you're feeling stressed. We can talk about anything you want and I'll do my best to help you"

"If you can get me out of here so I can see my daughter, that would be much appreciated"

She chuckled. "Now you know I can't do that"

"Well then this is just a waste of fucking time. Tell the judge that from me personally" I stood up and left out from her office.

On my way out of her office, I noticed a couple heavy guards running past me with their weapons drawn and everything. Being nosey to see what was up, I followed them and soon joined a crowd of inmates watching a brutal fight going on in the cafeteria. Pushing my way through to get a better view, I watched one guard pull Dead Eye away from the center, apparently now having a bloody nose and in a pit of rage.

The other guards pulled away another inmate in a little bit of a better condition. He only had a couple of scratches on him, clearly winning that fight. The guards took him a way first and then pinned Dead Eye against the wall while they handcuffed him.

"You're going right to the Shou buddy!" the guard yelled at him, struggling to get his handcuffs on.

"Fuck you! Y'all can't keep me in there forever" He yelled back.

Suddenly our eyes met in this transition, where he focused on me in the crowd of inmates gathered around. I gave him a smirk and the finger as they pulled him away from the wall and out through the doors.

Maybe things were starting to look up. With him gone and not harassing me, maybe my time here will go so much more smoothly.

*
:: January 10th, 2 more months later ::

Two more months has passed and I'm still not dead yet surprisingly. Surprisingly because I've tried banging my head a couple times.....went to medical for it....and then left with only a small headache. I guess god is just keeping me here to suffer on purpose.

To suffer because I punched my baby mama and caused her significant injuries to her face and body from it. To suffer because I choose the dumb decision to use heroin...a killer drug to make me happy. To suffer because....I missed my daughter's birthday by just sitting in a jail cell all damn day. To suffer because I still have two more years and seven months until I'm released from this place. So yes God....way to make a man suffer significantly.

But a part from that, life's been pretty much the same. Christine takes an even slower time to put money on my tab, still not a word from Dyme herself. Dead Eye is still gone thankfully. And I haven't dared to speak to my therapist since I walked out of her office.

I've been writing leters to Dyme actually, I still haven't got a response back but I like to think that she's reading them at least. The one I wrote recently read ;

Hey Diynara, it's Jacob again. I know today is nowhere near January 6th but can you tell my daughter happy birthday for me on her birthday. Can you please tell her that daddy's sorry and that I still love her.

I know I'm also a little late but happy 24th birthday. What did you do? Anything new? We can always talk by writing each other if you're not comfortable to talk on the phone. I'm sorry for everything babe....and I'm really going crazy in here. This is the only thing I look forward to doing everyday I've been in here. I miss you so much and I'm sorry again. Please find it in your heart to....say something to let me know that you're okay at least. I'm always worried that you're out there alone in this dangerous world. Just please be careful out there. How's the pregnancy going? We can talk about that if you want. Have you found out the sex?...picked out a name?

Feel free to write me back Dyme, I'll always be here for you. Just know that I love you. I love you so much and I'm sorry I fucked up what we had. I hope you know that I would never harm you on purpose. I couldn't do it if someone forced me. The real me wouldn't. I'd take a bullet straight to my head rather than to hurt you or my baby girl. But I love you. Write me if you get the chance or give me a call.

Love Jacob Allen.

It's been weeks since I've sent that letter out, and I only get a pen and paper every month or so. And still I've gotten no reply. But I still find it in my heart to keep trying. Starting off by trying to call her again. I had one phone call left this week...and I just hope it's worth it.

Stepping up to the phones, I dial in her number and waited on the line as it rung.

It rung....

It rung again.....

It rung a third time....

It rung a fouth time...

"Hello?" the phone answered after 5 damn months.

"Hell-Hello? Is this Diynara" My eyes widened, finally getting through. ...oh my heart was in so much joy.

"Yes...Jacob" She said dully.

"Hey.......--hey um--how are you? I'm so glad you finally answered me" I smiled happily.

".........Jay what are you calling me for?"

To be continued...

Hey thanks for reading. Vote for more parts faster and I'll keep the story rolling. Sorry for the cliffhanger😧😖 stay tuned😝 Jacob in the Media💞
--Tay