Dear Josh,

addict with a pen

Tyler in this chapter looks like the above picture. 🌸🖤 ALSO, vote, comment, follow! All of these things motivate me to write! Also shoutout to the person that added my story to your joshler library... you're a real one 👌🏻

Friday, September 26

Dear Josh,

I think you know that I don't talk now. Because we sit next to each other, the teacher paired us for a project. I was ecstatic about that. However, I didn't show it for obvious reasons; we had only seen each other four times previous to today. Anyway, this project. We're supposed to  design a lab and make a poster on our findings, which we've done a few times in this class, once for each unit. So it was good that you were paired with me rather than another new kid or someone... less smart. I don't want to sound stuck-up, but I am in all honors classes and I have an A in chemistry right now. If you knew that, you would be happy to be partnered with me. Maybe you are and I just haven't noticed.

So you asked me, "Where do you want to meet to do this project?" You smiled and spoke in a voice that sounded warm. I didn't notice the rasp the last time you spoke to me, but it's there. Definitely. 

Before I continue, I need to give some background information. When I first decided to go mute, it was very sudden. I hadn't warned anyone of it until it happened, except Hayley and Melanie. And I only told them the day before, because I knew they would have quite a few questions that would take some time to answer if I couldn't speak. One of them, I don't remember which, asked me, "So how are you going to communicate with us? I mean, obviously you're not going to do charades whenever you need to say something." I hadn't given it much thought. I figured I would just be silent to the world for a while. But what would I do about school? So I took a notebook out of my backpack and tore out the used pages. It was just poetry anyway, and I could just fold it up and put it in my pocket. The first thing I wrote was, "I'll write in here." It was a quick scrawl, spread across a few lines. Since then I've used up the notebook, but kept it. I hung the first page on my wall.

So anyway, I pulled out The Notebook and started writing (it was already open to the right page). I began to write, very quickly. After all this time I've learned to write at crazy speeds. I can also write upside down and sideways. I had only written "My plac-" before you questioned me.

"Are you writing down your number or..." You trailed off, unsure of what to say. I lifted my arm so you would see what I was writing. I had written my address and my phone number along with a question of when you could come by. "Do you not speak?" The question sounds rude written down but you said it softly, not convicting me of anything. You asked like it was just a fact of life. Which is how I wanted it to be. I looked up at you and shook my head. "Oh, that's cool." I have you a confused look. You stumbled on your words as you said, "Oh I'm sorry is it not cool? I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry, I'm sure it's a sensitive topic." It was unlike you to do so, I noted. You always spoke so confidently.

I wrote, "It's fine" and shrugged at you. You let out a breath as the bell rang, and I tore out the page reluctantly. It was a fresh page, but I still didn't like to remove pages from my Notebooks. I like to keep them and look back, almost like a diary. Or just a collection of everything I say written down nice and neat. People who speak don't get to go back and see everything that comes out of their mouths if they forget or are in an argument. But I do. Anyway, you ran off once I handed you the page. You seemed embarrassed.

To think I almost asked you if you were into boys today. Before I got the courage to write it down before you came into class, you walked in. I figured that's not something you ask someone randomly; it has to be the start of a conversation rather than the middle of one. You interrupted my writing only one word in by saying, "Hey Tyler." I waved while still looking at the word I had written: what's. That wasn't important, I don't know why I wrote it. I thought it was funny, I guess. Anyway, you also said, "I like your choker." I couldn't tell if there was sarcasm, but I didn't hear any. Either way I was blushing insanely red and looked over to you sitting next to me. I smiled in gratitude and crossed out the word I had written. It's okay, I'll do it soon enough.

Still wondering if you're into boys,

Tyler

Hi, thanks for reading this! Love you all, and see you soon.