Dear Josh,

silent in the trees

Thursday, October 2

Dear Josh,

Today was... eventful, to say the least.

It started out ordinary; I stayed silent, and we stayed friends. Chemistry and gym were where we would "talk," as you always managed to get out of doing any real physical activity. I would blame my head and sometimes you would too. That was fine. It was all fine until this particular Thursday.

I sat at lunch today with Melanie and Hayley, who I'm sure you remember as my best friends. We were complaining about the school lunch when you strolled in for the first time since you came to this school. I'm not sure why you decided that Thursday was the day, but you walked into the cafeteria wearing an army jacket and black jeans. You looked a little dirty, but I figured you'd fallen in the grass or something. Regardless, you looked rugged and beautiful. I swooned - according to Hayley.

"Was that a swoon?" She questioned, looking at Melanie.

"Why yes, I think it was," said Melanie, stating the obvious.

"And what a swoon indeed," returned Hayley.

My cheeks filled with color at their words, and I wrote down in all capital letters with two underlines, "SHUT UP!!" They both looked somewhere past me, and my eyebrows knotted together. "what?" I wrote, holding up my Notebook as a sign to them. They both glanced for half a second at me before returning their gaze to behind me.

"Hello. You must be Josh." I whipped my head around as Melanie spoke, looking you straight in the eyes. Although Mel was talking to you, you kept your gaze on me for a few seconds before looking up. After this close inspection, I saw that you had a cut on your cheek and a bruise near your eye. I'm sure there were more marks, but they were covered up by your clothes. "I'm Melanie, and this is Hayley." I tried to contain my confusion and worry, but that was easy. The hard part was resisting the urge to touch you; to run my thumb across the part of your lip where a drop of blood was forming. To hug you. To take your hand and give you a look that asked the question we all wondered: what happened?

You smiled that warm smile of yours at both of them, and responded, "Hi guys. Can I borrow Tyler for a while?" They nodded enthusiastically, and I nearly sprung out of my seat as you gestured for me to follow you. As I picked up my backpack and Notebook, Mel and Hayley made gestures I'd rather not repeat in this letter to you. I merely shook my head at them before turning around and waking away.

Anyway, you walked me to the nearest bathroom, and started to clean yourself up. "Sorry I made you come with me, I just don't usually enjoy being alone." I nodded understandingly, writing quickly, "What happened?" You smirked. "The wrong people messed with you, so I messed with them." My heart beat faster in my chest. My inflated ego forced me to believe that you fought for me as my own personal knight in no armor. However, I wanted you to continue before I made any silly assumptions that I would later beat myself up about for making.

I wrote, "Elaborate."

While wiping the blood from your cheek, you explained, "The boys I usually eat with were saying a bunch of stupid shit about you today. They were calling you the usual offensive things. Fag, twink, cross dresser. I'm sure you've heard them all before, but nothing was being done. So I told myself, 'it's my job to protect my friends.' Anyway, I told them to shut the fuck up. Then Bob pushed me, and it turned into this whole fight." My eyes widened as you finished, "You should see him. Let's just say he can't take a punch... at all." 

And yet you're straight as an arrow, I thought to myself. I couldn't even imagine a straight boy who didn't have a crush on me - especially an attractive one - standing up to my bullies for me, but here you were. I grinned down at my Notebook while I scribbled, "Thank you for defending my honor." You ruffled my hair with your calloused hand and I squinted my eyes in response. 

"It's not a big deal, Ty. They were being assholes."

"No, seriously..." I wrote, cutting myself off in the middle of a sentence to do something extraordinary. I walked closer to you, leaving an insignificant foot between us. Then I whispered my first words in two and a half years, "Thank you."

It was all so surreal. My voice didn't sound like me; it was different. Lower, raspier, and a lot more weak. It felt like I had been silent for an eternity, stuck in the trees while the people below were having an amazing time. I could have went down at any time, but I didn't care enough. I preferred to watch the people come and go; to be someone they thought would keep all their most interesting secrets. I had no motivation to climb down. Then you, branch by branch, came to me. You broke all my forcefields I thought were too strong to penetrate. Then, you grabbed me by the hands and pulled me back down to earth.

Even now I'm keeping my head in the clouds, and I'm not ready to leave completely. 

When I returned to reality, I felt your breath on my lips. We were close, but no part of your body ever touched mine. We sat in silence for a while, just breathing. I was in shock. I made a noise that came out like, "I..." and then I ran. I picked up my things and I fucking ran Josh, because I'm a coward. I couldn't stand the intensity; I couldn't keep looking at you without kissing you. So I ran all the way to my car, and sat there breathless for a while before beginning my drive home. I hope you can understand.

With cowardice,

Tyler

Honestly, Fuck Bob.

I love you guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter :)