Dear Josh,

a defenseless test

So the amazing human Yasmin ( @Oh_My_God_Yasmin ) not only voted on ALL my chapters, but she added me to her "Cool Books" library! I am so honored to be a part of it! So, this super early update is dedicated to you, Yasmin. Thanks for your support! Let's get right into the story. ❤️

Monday, September 29

Dear Josh,

Chemistry today was awkward at best, agonizing at worst. Now that you know I'm gay, you've been very cautious with me. It's like you think I'm contagious. I've noticed, not to be rude, but the people who act like this are hidden closet cases. You might be an exception, though. I don't really know; I don't think I ever will. 

You didn't conpliment me today, which is unusual. Once again, proof of either your homophobia or the fact that you're scared of who you are. You probably did some contemplation about your sexuality after yesterday, if I know you. You're smart and humble about it. I wouldn't have noticed how intelligent you are if you hadn't done so much of the project. It was nice to be paired with someone who knows what they're talking about and doesn't call me a faggot, a fairy, or a twink. 

Moving on, we presented the poster in class today. Well, I held it up and pointed while you read off of it. We got an A and the teacher said you were "off to a great start." I wanted to make a joke about how we have great chemistry, but decided against it when you rushed so quickly to your seat. I'm happy for you, but I would be happier if you'd hugged me afterwards or held my hand when I started shaking or complimented my sweater during class. It was gray, and advertised one of your favorite bands, Panic! at the Disco. I would have also appreciated if you had whispered jokes in my ear when the girl I don't know had to present with the boy she likes. Maybe you didn't notice the little things like that. Maybe it's another one of those listening things, because that's all I really do. Maybe you were too focused on the fact that I'm gay to pay attention. Okay, that's the most far-fetched option, but anything is possible. So, those were the events of chemistry.

That wasn't even the strangest part of today. As it turns out, you're in my PE class. One of the school security guards walked you in late today, and mumbled to the teacher for a minute or so before walking out of the gym with the slam of a door. I know you were probably wondering why I was sitting on the bleachers instead of playing basketball with everyone else. Well, I get chronic migraines, so the coach has to let me sit out when I have one. I won't say I haven't used that to my advantage when we run the mile. This one, however, was all too real. Anyway, you walked up the steps, flipping your hat backwards so a little pink curl could slip through. 

I smiled lazily from the top of the steps, pressing an ice pack to my head. You flashed a grin back with a quick nod of your head. I can't say I wasn't surprised when you sat next to me, saying, "Hey, Tyler." I waved, pulling out my Notebook. I thought the whole awkward silence thing would last, but you decided to break it by plopping your ass next to mine. My vision was filled with spots of darkness but when I looked at you I can still tell how handsome you looked today. I ripped my eyes back to the floor as you turned to me, so you didn't think I was staring at you. You mumbled jokingly, "So what are you in for?" 

I smirked, my pen poised as I wrote, "Migraine." in handwriting that looked its worst. It's sort of hard to write when you can barely see and every sound is ten times as loud. It was so bright in there, I couldn't focus on anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw you nod. It was an understanding one, and I got the feeling you got them too. I managed to write, "You?"

You sighed, and began your explanation. "Well, I hate gym class. I've been skipping to smoke under the bleachers. They didn't know I was smoking, but they knew I was ditching so now I'm here with a week's detention starting today. Don't tell on me please." You chuckled. "Oh wait, I'm sorry." You burst into a fit of laughter and I let out a giggle, punching your arm lightly.

Then I realized what you said. My face became  solemn as I wrote, "Stop smoking." I looked up at you, raising my eyebrows.

"Hey, I'll stop when I'm good and ready. Or when I get caught." You smirked. I was disappointed, realizing that I could never date a smoker. You would lose your smile, your beautiful breaths, and that voice I thought was gravelly naturally. It would only get worse.

"Josh, you're gonna get fucking cancer," I wrote, underlining the last word; the toxic one.

You nodded. "I'm gonna get it eventually. Why not just get it over with?"

I was planning on writing something. I had a feeling that "sorry" was the right thing to say, but I didn't. I froze up. I thought you wouldn't want to hear it anyway.

That's why it surprised me when you said it. "I'm sorry," you mumbled, and ruffled my hair while standing up again. Then the bell rang, and you picked up your backpack, which was painfully red. And I swear to God, as you walked away, I heard you say, "I like your sweater."

With capital L-O-V-E,

Tyler

@Oh_My_God_Yasmin I hope you enjoyed!

 (Of course I wish the same for everyone else as well). It was interesting to write about having a migraine because I get them as well, but I wouldn't call them "chronic." Twice a month at MOST. You all don't care. ANYWAY, thanks for all your support as I slowly become s better author; slowly. This is one of my favorite things to write, (because yes, I write other things) and it makes me happy that you all enjoy it too. I'll talk to you all soon!