D.
The moment you walked in the room, the moment I saw you, all the strength and courage I gathered up inside me vanished. The moment I saw you today, I just wanted to fall apart.
My heart was beating so fast. My lungs were failing me. My fight or flight response was telling me to run.
My behavior when you're around has been this way for the past three years. Seeing you almost everyday living and laughing just fine without me has created this response in me. Seeing you moving on has made this a regular occurrence. To be honest, I should be used to it by now.
But I'm not.
How you got such a strong hold on my life remains a mystery to me. Why I can't shake my feelings for you, why I can't get over you, remains a mystery to me.
And it's not like I haven't tried. I was doing so well. I had so much progress. For a while, I even believed I had moved on.
But he wasn't you.
And when that fell apart, I did too. That's when I realized that it will always be you. That's when I realized that I was right back where I started three years before, grasping for what I wanted, for what we wanted.
Holding on to nothing.
When you walked into the room, you looked around. My emotions want me to believe you were looking around for me.
Today, our eyes met. Just for a moment. And in that moment, it all came back.
S.
