D.
I'm stuck in a loop. A seemingly endless loop.
Why can't I depart from my feelings for you? After all these years, I've just been left with a broken heart.
But sometimes... God has to reopen an old wound because it didn't heal properly. because it wasn't fully healed by His hands.
And you, D, are an old wound. The way things ended between us left a scar. It's a wound only God can heal, and I pray He will.
The truth is that I'm fine when you're not around. Out of sight, out of mind. But the second you show up, the second you walk into the room... it all just falls apart.
Why is it like this? Why haven't I been able to move on from you?
Why am I holding on to nothing?
You see me, but you don't see me. You don't see someone you used to love. Someone you used to risk anything for. Someone who used to be the only person you could confide in. Now, you just see me as a stranger. Now, I'm just someone you used to know.
But to me, you're more than that.
I see you, and I remember everything. The memories come rushing back, flooding my thoughts and... tearing me apart.
But even through it all, D, I'm happy for you. I'm glad that you found healing. I'm glad that you were able to move on. I'm glad that you don't feel the same pain that I feel whenever I see you. I'm glad that you're happy, that you're living, that you're breathing. I'm glad that you're pursuing God and giving Him your life.
I wish you the best. And if I ever cross your mind, don't worry about me... I'll be okay eventually. God will heal. God will restore. It'll be okay.
S.
