D.
I cannot even begin to describe the mixture of emotions I felt seeing you standing there. You looked amazing as you always do. But once again, pain hurt my heart as we were both there alone, and I so desperately wanted to be there together.
That was two days ago. Two days ago, I found out you missed me. But I couldn't believe it.
Yesterday, I heard from you for the first time in almost three years.
There I was, ready to fight for you and climb mountains to get to you. But you told me that I shouldn't, that you fear what may happen if I do.
What do I do, then? Do I listen to you or listen to God? I can't lean on your understanding. I can't trust you. Not at this time.
This loop can't go on forever. I don't know how to walk past you everyday and pretend that you don't exist. I don't know how to see you laughing and smiling and being completely fine when my heart is crying out for you. I don't know how to love you from afar without pain completely overwhelming me.
But here I am reading a message over and over again not knowing what will come next. Not knowing if you'll reach out to me again. Not knowing what to do.
So I'll put on a brave face, deny my feelings any control over dictating my life, and I will walk by faith. Whatever happens, happens.
But I'm trusting God and following His guidance. I'm willing to do whatever He will have me do.
You should too.
S.
