Shadow of the Past (Captain America) // ✔️ //

Chapter 31: The Deteriorating Mask

Arriving outside of the robotic lab, Antonia stood there for few minutes just staring at Bruce's back. Though she couldn't see his face, she could tell that he was exhausted by the tension in his shoulders. She could see his exhaustion in each of his steps. Had he not slept since she was gone? Had he stayed in this lab the whole time working on that device?

Wait...What? Her device? How could he have her device? It wasn't possible, but then what was it? Knowing it couldn't be the same device that forced her into the past, she knew it was a different one. Did he make a new device? How so? Yes, he was smart, but how did he figure out how to build one with incomplete blue prints? Did he really create to make a functional device? Or was this simply a failed look alike that Bruce was willing to work?

Antonia didn't know what was more sad or pathetic: her guilty and grief over the unstoppable death of her father or Bruce slaving over a device that he couldn't hope to work. She couldn't decide, but it only made her want to get imbibed even more. The need to get wasted was overwhelming, and she wanted nothing more than to down a whole bottle of whiskey. No, she needed to down a whole bottle. If anyone asked, she would deny that she had a problem. She didn't drink because she liked it; she got drunk because she needed to forget. That wasn't a problem. It was a solution.

The genius let out a deep breath, wondering if she should just leave. She didn't need her armors as she had a fleet of classic cars downstairs, all ready to be driven. All itching to be driven. It would be easy to sneak down to the garage and disappear onto the streets behind a wheel of a car; however, she supposed it would be best if she didn't get behind the wheel when she was like this. Her mind was hazy, and she couldn't think, as even basic math was difficult to do. She was exhausted, ready to fall asleep at any second; there was no way that she could drive in this state. All she could think about was her guilt, and it drove her crazy. Maybe, if she could sleep, she would feel better, but she doubted that she could sleep with her night terrors. Not with dreams of Bucky.

Even though it didn't seem like it, she wanted to sleep, but the idea of it scared her, especially if she couldn't wake up. She hated it when Salty had sedated her, and it almost gave her a heart attack. She didn't know what she would do if someone tried to sedate her again. Her hands went straight to the dog tags hanging around her neck, and she squeezed. These tags had become a lifeline to her, and even if she didn't want anyone to know about them, she didn't know what she would do without them.

Antonia eyed Bruce, her heart beat racing. Her mind started to pay a bad game of what ifs, and she couldn't help but wonder if Bruce would try to sedate her? He wouldn't, would he? Would he? The thought of it freaked her out, and it sent shock waves through her body. She didn't know how to handle that fear, but she refused to show it. She would not break down in the open. Taking deep breaths, the genius tried to force back her panic attack that was coming on.

I need air, Antonia thought. She needed to get out, away from everything, but she knew she couldn't just leave. She had to get her reactor checked, because it might life and death if it malfunctioned. Calm down, Stark, she told herself. She couldn't help but feel something was wrong with her. Maybe, a few seconds of air could help, and it wasn't like she didn't have a few seconds. She still had to wait for her armor to return from wherever Rhodey was.

However, just as she turned from the lab to get a breather, Bruce turned around, and his eyes immediately locked onto her. She could feel his surprise as he suddenly dropped the tool in his hand, and though she couldn't hear him, she could make out her name coming off his lips. No choice now, Antonia thought to herself as she stepped to the sliding glass doors. She had to speak to him now; she had to put on her mask. No one was allowed to see how broken she was.