I'll Walk To Heaven

Chapter 25

"There you go baby," I cooed as I gently laid Aidan into his car seat. He was peacefully sitting there, his eyes wide open. His blue eyes watching me as I strapped him in. I double checked, then triple checked the straps to make sure they were secure. Once I was finally as satisfied as possible, Tyler came in.

"Okay I got the car out front, we're all set," he smiled, grabbing my waist and kissing my head. I put my finger next to Aidan's hand, he squeezed my finger and grunted. I am so in love with this little boy, and we haven't even left the hospital yet. I was in love at the first glance.

"Alright, I'm ready," I said, never breaking my gaze from my son. Tyler helped me sit down in the wheelchair, as I sat I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. I bit my lip as I let it pass.

"Are you okay?" Tyler asked.

"I haven't been home in four days, I just want to go home and take care of my baby," I snapped. He nodded and kissed my forehead. I instantly felt horrible for it, not only was I hurting physically, but I just feel like giving up. I already know that this is going to change me in ways that I never thought possible.

I reached over and grabbed his hand before he walked away. He looked down at me, I could tell he knew what I was about to say, but I knew I had to say it anyway.

"I'm sorry," I said. He kneeled down next to me, kissing my hand. I really don't deserve Tyler. First I went to a college party without him, then I was raped there, then I got knocked up, then there was the huge blow up that happened to just be a gigantic misunderstanding. And what has he done? Nothing. He has been nothing but supportive, and amazing to me and the boys. He's already become a great father to our babies, and they're not even his. He is the definition of a good man, I'm still trying to figure out why he decided that he wanted to love me.

"I love you," I said. He half smiled and moved a piece of hair behind my ear. Then he kissed me, deeply. It felt like I was shot out of the ocean that I was drowning in. The fresh air was filling my lungs back up, the weight was off of my chest. It was all back whenever he pulled away.

"Let's go," he smiled. I smiled back as a nurse began to wheel me out of the room. Tyler followed behind us with Aidan. We rode the elevator, but as we were about to go outside to the car the same nurse who talked to me before my c-section stopped us.

"Samantha, we made a memory box for your little boy for you to keep," she said gently. She handed me a tiny box that had his little feet stamped to the top. Across the top it said Samson's full name in a light blue color.

"It has a lock of his hair, his hat and blanket, and part of his umbilical cord. The nurses all helped make a bracelet that says his name," as she was talking I opened the box and was looking through the things. I picked up the baggy that had his hair and I began to feel my throat close. I looked up at her and smiled.

"Thank you," I said. She smiled and nodded before walking away. I put the baggy back and closed the box carefully. I felt the wheelchair moving again whenever I ran my fingers across his name.

I watched as Tyler put the car seat into the car and strapped it in. I could hear him talking to Aidan, but I wasn't sure what he was saying exactly. It made me smile.

He finished up and shut the door. He walked over to me and helped me up. He walked beside me to make sure I could get to the car myself, which I did. Once I was in the car I think it hit me. I am a mother. My baby is in the backseat, we are taking him home. It was like the world turned to slow motion. It felt like it took me way too long to turn around and look in the car seat.

There he was, my boy, already sleeping away. He was covered up with his fuzzy monkey blanket, his head slightly slumped down in his sleep. I carefully shifted his head up into a better position, his arms shot up to around his face, he grunted before his arms slowly fell back as he drifted off again.

My baby's first car ride seemed to take forever. Every mile that it took to get to our house felt like a hundred. I really just wanted to get home, I was completely exhausted. I said a little prayer once we finally pulled into the driveway. Tyler looked at me and half smiled before getting out of the car and coming over to my side to help me out.

He swung my door open and grabbed my waist, and my hands to pull me out of the car. Once my weight hit the ground I could feel my knees want to buckle. I've felt a little weak the entire hospital stay, I figured it was because I wasn't really eating much. I haven't had much of an appetite since they were born.

Tyler caught me and started me on my way to the door, but I waved him off so that he could get Aidan out. I slowly made my way through the door, I took a deep breath after taking a look around. My home seemed to give me a hug as I stumbled through the hallway and to my living room couch. I lowered myself onto the couch very slowly, I hovered for a second and then just let my weight drop. Once I was seated I took a look around and thought to myself that one day this living room will be filled with dinosaurs and race cars. I suppose bouncy swings and car seats will have to do until then.

I remembered that I was holding Samson's memory box, as I looked down at it in my hands it brought tears to my eyes. I ran my fingers across his name, I could feel the love pouring out of my fingertips.

"Welcome home, Samson," I whispered, closing my eyes and imagining him here, in my arms. My gorgeous blonde little boy, here, at home. I opened my eyes in time to see Tyler walking in front of me with Aidan. I hurriedly set the box down and wiped my tears. Tyler pulled the hood down on the car seat so that I could see him.

"Hey there handsome," I smiled. My boy was sticking his tongue out at us, his eyes wide and so awake. His dark hair was sticking every which way, it curled at the very top.

Tyler unbuckled him and lifted him up, he made faces at him until he finally put him into my arms. I snuggled my baby close and kissed his forehead as I brought him closer to me.

"Welcome home, sweet boy," I whispered into his ear as I breathed in the scent of his hair. His arms were wiggling and he was making little grunting noises in my ear. I was trying to soak in everything about my little one, I wanted to feel this moment for the rest of my life.

I was imagining holding both of my boys on my chest at this moment, each of them falling asleep to the sound of my beating heart. I would've been happier then than ever before. Every thought that was running through my head was about my little boys, for once I didn't have to keep reliving their conception on repeat. My only job now was to keep this little guy in my arms happy and safe, and to keep the memory of my other son alive for as long as I live and maybe even a little longer than that. I don't want my Samson to be forgotten. I will always carry him with me; no matter where I go or how many children I have after him, I will never forget his beautiful face.

He is the part of me that I will never be ashamed to hold on to.