I need to de-stress
my stomach is a tumbling mess
listening to Papa Roach
contemplating
wafting in life like a faint fragrance
sitting thinking dreaming
no not dreaming just existing
wanting to dream
not doing just being
being here being present in the present but feeling without presence
yeah
that's it
not here. not at all. not sitting. floating... flailing. failing?
screaming. papa roach.
I don't know. Just trying not to choke
hard to choke when there's nothing to do
feeling lazy and grayish blue
wanna make a mark but don't know where to start
going with the flow following everyone else
wanting to cease. wanting to go out and have fun
going out every weekend. maybe its time to stay in.
looming feeling, fear of regret. hardly ever regretted anything.
cant remember what's been rejected and regretted.
its not important then.
nothing is in the grand scheme of things.
saying nothing but saying everything all at once. knowing nothing.
but knowing everything all the same.
hopefully hopeless
in a wide net of everything. every sound, feeling, smell.
every thing.
every being.
different beings in one. essence.
essence is not singular. it is a multitude of versions culminated.
garbage. jumbled garbage this is.
trash and treasure. it brings pleasure
the author doesn't even understand whats written
whats written is too real and ever changing
relatable in 5 years. tomorrow. today. right now. last night.
wow.
speechlessly talkative.
oxymoronic phrases mean everything and nothing at all. that is their beauty.
this is the end. nothing ever ends. this may be the beginning.
indeed.
the beginning of the end.
there it is again.
I feel so alive with a camera in my hands. 3:58pm.
