The face of a monster

Why are everyone but me so okay with this?

"Oh God! David!" My mother's voice is bright and kind, too close to existed.

"Do you seriously believe me?" I ask surprised as hell. In her world werewolves didn't even exist one minute ago.

"Yes" she smiles at me and hugs me like if I was ten. Sometimes I feel like I am. Ten I mean. I feel like I'm ten years old, I mean just as pathetic as a ten year old. God I messed that one up didn't I? Maybe not a big deal but whatever. I pull a way hastily and look at my mother with a bit of worry.

"How can you, I mean, everyone just be okay with this? Like, you just accept it like that! I haven't even accepted it yet!!" I raise my voice more than necessary and immediately feel ashamed, I don't want to scare my mum.

"Everyone?" She asks quite offended.

"Nora and Kyle" the shame... the shame I feel... ouch. I don't want to be a monster, I can't help it but I feel so much regret. It hurts so much to have this conversation with the person who alone brought me up, who was advised from everyone around her to not give birth to me but yet she did. I feel like I'm disappointing her and by the look she gives me, I'm right, she's disgusted.

"You told them before me?" Now when I look closer I can see that she's not disgusted, she's just sad. It might seem hard to confuse the facial expression of sadness with disgust but like I've told you before, I'm an amateur when it comes to living.

"Well, Kyle was there when I got bitten and then Nora sort of forced me to tell her when I almost turned before a full moon" I explain and try to make it sound as if I would have tried to to keep it all to myself if possible. It's actually true, I'm not a very extrovert person.

"Man, I think I'm realising it all now" my mum sighs and places her hands on her forehead. I take one of her hands and hold it tightly as I look into her eyes and say;

"I'm not a beast or a monster, I'm still me. It's just once every month that I have to fight to stay sane. I'm learning slowly how to gain control, during the latest full moons I've actually really made progress" I try to comfort the shaking woman in front of me but I'm not sure I succeed because her lips tremble as she speaks.

"And what do you define as progress?" She laughs nervously and I can almost see myself in her. She turns from accepting to terrified in seconds.

"Well," I chuckle when I think of it and I doubt that I can keep a serious face talking about it. "I think Kyle would really enjoy telling you those stories." Thankfully mum laughs and we smile at each other.

"I guess I just have to call him after work then" she says and I nod.

"I'll help you clean up" I say and she leaves. We have an unspoken deal with her boss that if we clean up the salon after closing hours my mum can earn a little extra money. When I was smaller we needed those extra money really bad because I would fall pretty much every day and my clothes would never look the same if you know what I mean. My mum would have to by new clothes more often than everyone else and mend the old ones so that I could always wear whole clothes. Also she didn't get paid a lot since she was so young and inexperienced. But it all has worked out very well actually, I no longer destroy my clothes every other day and my mum is now older, obviously. Still, some extra money never really hurts does it?

I sit down to check the menu, I still gotta eat, as I watch her walk away. She's in shock but seems to be able to hold it together for now. Oh god! What have I done? As a bucket of ice cold water it hits me, like a bitch slap, boom, out of nowhere. I'm a freaking werewolf! Like wtf? That's not even possible! It should not be possible! Why did I tell her? Why didn't I see how hurt she would be?! I'm the worst son ever! (Yeah things don't always make sense in my head, I'm pretty hard on myself and I always think people break easier than they actually do. Maybe that's just because I break easily, I'm so weak I expect people to be like me.) I'm freaked out, breaths heavily though I'm not out of breath, I'm sweating though it's not hot and then it all goes black.

***

I wake up coughing like crazy, I feel suffocated and cough even more. There's liquid in my throat, thick and with a metallic taste. As it makes it way up to my mouth I try to hide it but eventually the blood runs out over my lips and makes it look like I'm dying. Am I dying? I cough again and the blood continues to come though it seems to be out of nowhere. What on earth is happening? That's the only thing I can think as I with wolf eyes search the restaurant for anyone to help. I can't seem to focus my eyes on anything, my eyes just slides away from the red and golden pillows, the dark floor and the purple flowers on the tables. I smell something though, something like perfume and flowers too strong and to stingy. I keep on lying still on the floor coughing up blood and I feel as I should be dead but I'm not. Why am I not healing? I try to yell for help but no one seems to hear me as I scream desperately. I try to reach my phone but I'm laying almost paralysed on my stomach with my arms all numb. I need wolf strength. The anger is hard to just find instantly, to get it to turn me is even harder but I try desperately to feel anger towards whatever is making me feel like this and somehow it's working cuz I can jerk my arm free from underneath my body and painfully flip myself over so that I'm laying on my back. I can now also see more of the restaurant even if my eyes still are out of functionality. I see two small people, probably children but it's hard to tell when you're turning freaking blind! I'm slowly starting to feel the panic coming along with shallow breathing, I have to push it down and away. Why are they just standing there? Why are they just watching me?! No! Don't turn!! I can't get angrier, not more panicking! No David. No. I manage to calm down and reach my phone to dial 911.

"911, whats your emergency?" A stiff voice answers. I try to speak but all that comes out is bubble sounds and gurgling. After a couple of tries I manage to say three words.

"Fonsville, mall, help."