When You Were My Sister

Chapter Eight (The fight)

Neima  

I felt like someone had knocked me in the gut with a sledgehammer. My chest felt tight my hands shook. Sweat broke free on my brows. I was stuck in the same spot were Nola had left me. There was no doubt that she knew. My heart was racing a mile a minute and I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack. I leant over trying to catch my breath. I felt like I was going to pass out. How could she not know that I was her birth mother and not her sister? I tried to deny her existence for the past eighteen years, so I could live with myself. But the fight was over. The moment I saw her at daddy's funeral the past came crashing down on me. As hard as I fought years ago to love her, I couldn't. I was young, scared and broken, I did not have it in me to love her back then. I did what was best for her, I tried to convince myself.

When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to abort but I was way too late. I had been chubby in my teens, I thought my weight gain was because of stress eating, I should have known better. I was four months pregnant when I found out, I remembered it vividly.

I was at school in physics class, Kevin Levi sat beside me his cologne was so strong and rancid it turned my stomach. I asked Mr. Evans if I could be excused to use the restroom. The moment I made it into the bathroom stalls I emptied my stomach into the toilet. I had never been sick before and Kevin's cologne had never had that effect on me. I sat in the stall with my back against the door, counting back from my last period, connecting the dots. The thought of being pregnant had me dry heaving over the toilet, I had nothing left inside me. Fear was so heavy on my soul, I refused to believe what was before me. I could not even think of what it would mean not only to my future, but my entire being. I needed to know the truth before I started to panic, because I was panicking.

I knew my parents would not believe me, they never did. They were blinded by their own notion of perfection. They wanted me to be perfect, they expected me to be the perfect daughter and student. Mama had just gotten the principal position two years ago, if I was pregnant, or the circumstances of my pregnancy was to come to light that would ruin her reputation and I knew she would not forgive me for it. I got up from the floor, pulling myself together. There was only one person I could call on. I washed out my mouth and washed my face at the sink. I still felt nauseous, but I had to fight it.

I made my way to the nurse's office and told her I was having period cramps and I didn't think I would make it through the day. Of course, she called my mother, she was not as understanding as the nurse was.

"All women go through this Neima, suck it up and get back to class." Mama said.

"My stomach hurts, I feel weak." I tried to reason with her.

"Give her a pill, let her sleep it off for an hour and send her back to class." Mama looked to Nurse Edwards.

The nurse looked at me, seeing the desperation in my eyes, her demeanor softened. She turned to Mama. "Mrs. Murdock if I was to give her a pill she would be drowsy for most of the day. I would recommend sending her home."

"Her father is out of town, there is no one home." Mama said. "So she still would be here for the rest of the day anyway."

"I could call Auntie she would come get me." I suggested with desperation. Auntie Mora was the only one I felt I could trust at that moment.

"She is at school."

Auntie Mora worked at the College of Agriculture, Science and Education, as an Art Lecturer, at the time. "She had only two classes today and the last one ended half an hour ago." I said.

Mama sighed. "Fine call her."

The nurse called Auntie and she came. She came to the school and loaded me into her car. She gave me a bottle of orange juice.