When You Were My Sister

Chapter Fourteen (The lies that rocked me to sleep)

Neima

Nola was asleep for hours. The sun had risen a long time ago. I laid beside her all-night waiting for her to wake up. It was obvious she was struggling with depression. She was exhausted because she wasn't sleeping well, she was on the brink of starvation because that was her way of harming herself. It broke my heart to see her like this. I struggled with depression and other illnesses for a while, and it wasn't something I would wish on anyone. The world tends to be a very lonely place once you have fallen into the dark abyss of depression.

Mama poked her head around the door, then walked in with a tray of food. She placed it on the bedside table.

"She hasn't woken up?" Mama asked.

"No." I said sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

Mama sat down at the end of the bed. "We should have told her the truth sooner. She did not ask for any of this and she deserves so much better." She touched Nola's foot. "I was so scared to admit it, because it only revealed my own incompetence as a mother."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." I said easing a pillow behind my back.

"I never listen to you, you deserved so much more than I gave you. You were right, Corby was a very sick boy, but what mother wanted to learn that their child is mentally ill."

"I spent years studying, trying to understand the human mind. Trying to draw connections between thoughts and actions. Trying to understand why we do certain things that we do. Corby was the reason I chose to study psychiatry, I needed to understand why he did what he did to me. I came to one conclusion, he wasn't mentally ill, he was very aware of what he was doing. He was just a very bad person. He was manipulative and a pathological liar, so it was easy for you to believe him over me, He wasn't your son." I said frankly.

"He was my son, he was your brother and he was abusing you right under my nose and I did not see it, I failed to protect you and I am sorry. I have lived with that guilt for years." Mama said.

I closed my eyes, it was the first time that Mama ever spoke of what Corby did. It felt like we were making strides. It was very painful for me to talk about it for years, I was in therapy for a long time. It felt different talking to Mama about it, because she was closer to the matter.

"There is a lot of things I wished I had done differently." Mama said.

"I hated him for years, I did not think he deserved my forgiveness, but I did it for my own wellbeing." I said.

***

Corby was my half-brother, Daddy's first child from a relationship he had with a woman while he was in England. He would visit us every summer, mama had taken a special shining to him. He was seven years older than me, he was a doting older brother, I had no reason not to trust him. He came to live with us when I turned fourteen. The summer he returned there was something different about him, his eyes lingered on me a little too long.

I was in the kitchen washing dishes when he walked in. he was very attractive, with honey brown eyes, light brown skin, curly hair, tall, slim built, full lips and a dazzling charm. Most of the girls in the community had a crush on him and he was very popular among the people.

He walked up behind me and reached over my shoulder brushing against me. He ran is finger against my hand in the suddy water, reaching for a knife. He stood behind me longer than was necessary.

"You smell good." He said close to my ear, sniffing me.

I stepped away from him feeling uncomfortable. "Don't be a perve Corby." I said snidely.