Nerds With A Chance [A Logan Lerman Fanfic]

Chapter 13

Okay, sorry, I know I don't usually, or at all, write A.Ns but this one was sort of needed. I, myself, quite loved this chapter. It is short (I'm sorry) but somehow it almost earned a small tear from me... *breaks into sobs*

Listen to:

Fireworks and Always Attract by You Me at Six. On My Own by The Used.

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“Zeph…?”

I clenched my eyelids shut, trying my best to squeeze out any inkling of reality still left in my mind.

But all that flooded back instead was the usual list of flashes from my past; I had seen a therapist about it (against my will), and the conclusion came to whenever I felt ill at ease, pressured, or any extreme emotions it would all come shooting back to me like a relapse from the past. Something to do with some part of my brain being ‘damaged’, though only a minor extent, by the traumatic experiences I had endured. It was all only mentally based; nothing physical or worrying at all.

The only thing it did actually do was make me seem like an extremely emotionally unstable teenager that was in dire need of help.

“Zeph…”

“I can hear you, you know!” I snapped, ripping a clump of grass cleanly off the ground.

Logan jumped back.

I couldn’t face him; guilt engulfed me, leaving me to slump miserably over my knees.

The worst thing was he didn’t even say anything after, and I was definitely not willing to start anything myself. In fact, all I really wanted to do was melt into the ground like a sad, forlorn pile of goo. A real bitchy pile of goo.

I felt god awful for snapping at him.

Ages past- neither of us breathed a word, or moved an inch. It was probably the most long wearing and unbearable couple of minutes of my life. And believe you me, I’ve had plenty of those.

It was emotionally disastrous and somewhat mind-blowingly distressing. Heavy on the -dis.

…

…

…

…

“…I’m sorry…”

Silence.

“It’s okay,” Logan whispered, almost inaudibly.

More silence.

I bit down on my lip harshly, my foot tapping a fast and tedious beat into the long. flattened grass.

Suddenly a warm, heavy presence pressed onto my nearly vibrating foot. “You’re going to stomp a hole into the ground if you keep going like that,” Logan breathed softly, looking up at me, eyes ridden with undetectable emotions.

I blinked under the slightly hypnotic gaze, mouth flopped open like a goldfish. My foot was feeling much the same way.

“Ze-“he paused, before smiling in that sort of bittersweet way.

I watched him with quiet intent as he inched forward slightly, becoming parallel with my knees as he gazed up to the sky.

“I-I I think that, that… life stops for no one.”

He waited for a bit. And I found myself nodding in total sincere agreement. Life didn’t stop when my brother was diagnosed. Life didn’t stop when our mother abandoned us. Life didn’t stop for my father as he struggled to keep me and my brother afloat.

Life especially didn’t stop for me. I raised a hand and grazed my fingers along the small concealed area of skin behind my ear; a trio of thin, barely noticeable bumpy lines rose up to greet my fingers like some cold, almost forgotten, yet still lingering memory.

“It just flies right by, leaving you to chase around after it.” Logan took a deep breath, eyes never leaving the dark sky, “You know?”

I scooted slightly forward, closer to him; but just a little, not enough to attract attention.

“Yeah…”

He nodded once, ploughing on in a new breathy tone I had never heard from him before, “So I figured why let yourself drown in it?”

Baffled, I said nothing.

“I mean, why don’t we just throw something back?”

He was talking with a sort of rapid-fire ferocity, eyes a-blazing.

“Why don’t we all just man-up and just go at it? Right?”

I didn’t get it. I didn’t get it at all.

Then he looked at me.

And that’s when I saw the full-frontal tidal wave of his determination; in fact, it was frighteningly scary. Intriguing, but scary.

Sparks ignited throughout his eyes as he opened his mouth and attacked me.

Uh… I guess I should add- with his mouth. Not with an axe or anything…

I would’ve, should’ve, could’ve enjoyed it had it not been for the fact I crossed a second of being scared shitless, another second of hyperventilation (which might I add was very hard with Logan where he was) and also the plus fact I literally could not have moved my own mouth.

The kiss lasted a full amount of ‘not very long’. But within that expanse of ‘not very long’: everything changed.

He was point-blank not being shy, and had learned I was not all that simple of a girl.

I had learned that this guy was being serious with me and that I needed to try and cut loose and ‘throw something back’ a little more.

It was a win-win situation.

…

“…Milly isn’t in the picture if you wanted to know.”

“Was she ever?” I found myself asking.

“Yes.”

I guess I should’ve already had known that: and I think I did. Somewhere in the dark in-denial recesses of my mind.

“But she isn’t now?”

“No.”

“Are you going to go into more detail?”

He smirked- “Nope.”

Little bitch.