Finding Her (urban)

Chapter 13 - Monster

"No one has been able to tame him," I could feel the coldness from her presence encircling the room. She was lingering around the kitchen entrance with her arms crossed. She was confusing me, it was just the other day that she gave me her approval, well sort of. "There are things you should know about him before you think about getting with a man like that."

"No offence..."

"Ellen..."

"No offence miss Ellen but I know what I am getting myself into," my confidently rehearsed response sounded good in my head, but failed to deliver the same finality in speech.

"You don't sound too sure," She smirked inviting herself into the kitchen. The further she walked inside this space, the closer she got to unveiling the façade I had mastered to cover the inevitable truth. Deep down I knew that he, I mean we were ruined beyond repair and we would one day destroy what was left of our pitiful existences. I was ashamed to admit it but I found solace and comfort in knowing he just as insecure, tormented and damaged as me. "He's a ruthless monster and you are, you are just a victim of unfortunate circumstances."

"Miss Ellen, you should just let us be, I care for him,"

"I don't doubt that but what can you really offer him? I know what kind of family you come from, you have no one behind you to support you, don't forget I know Marisol, drugs have ruined her life and it's probably had a horrible affect on you. Let's not even start on that dangerous father of yours, who you sent my son to kill!" Her voice began to rise and I flinched. I remember that night very well... I could lie and say I never wanted him to commit the deed but I knew freedom wasn't something I could obtain alone. The guilt I had long attempted to hide was now eating away at my conscience, I gulped. I didn't know if he would return to me alive, I prayed he would more so for my sake. I wasn't sure if I could live without him but I was sure I couldn't live with the guilt of knowing he died doing something for me. I knew Terrence had more reasons to kill him - my father brought to him a pain that could never be erased but the will to finally end his life only came upon my arrival. I triggered it and I knew he would never be the same; I was a reminder of the very thing that took away his sanity, he hasn't been the same.

The anguish that had now settled deep in my chest was spreading fast and I felt like everything was closing in, I needed air. "Excuse me," I side stepped Ellen in an attempt to leave the kitchen.

She grabbed on to my arm firmly, "You may have good intentions for my son but you are not compatible."

Shrugging her off, I hurried out accidently bumping right into the topic of the discussion.

"What did she say?" Terrence had a strong hold on my arms and wouldn't let me go. His eyes were filled with concern and would follow my unfocused gaze which made me uncomfortable. I just needed space, why couldn't anyone respect that? I was beginning to hyperventilate. "Breathe. That's it."

I swept the hair that had messily fallen in front of my face behind my ears, "She's right."

"Right about what?" he asked, annoyance and curiosity clear on his face.

"About this," I put my hands between his chest to create space between us. "About us, we aren't compatible." He was quiet, he probably already knew. "We are so damaged; how can we be together when we haven't even fixed ourselves. We will just be a hindrance on each other's growth."

"You can't say that," he pleaded with his face almost looking like he was fighting the truth. A small part of me enjoyed watching this strong man crumble at my mercy.

"You know.."

"I.." he let out a frustrated sigh.