:[march to the sea]:

|one|

|start the song; it's The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by The Postal Service|

[Trigger Warnings: self deprecation, hostility towards others, mentions of triggering events]

T Y L E R

I walk into the cafeteria and sit down at my usual table. I sit alone, like usual. The good thing is that I really don't mind being alone. Yeah, I used to get lonely, but I've accepted the feeling. No one wants to be around me anyways. Everyone knows my past, and people are apparently disturbed by me. But the thing is, they might be disgusted with me, but it will never be close to how disgusted I am with myself. I hate who I am and what I've done and gone through. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter anyways because everything is in the past and this is how life was meant to be for me I suppose. I sigh, pulling out my brown paper bag.

I open the bag, being reminded of the contents I packed just this morning. A simple ham and cheese sandwich and water bottle. Most of the other kids have these fancy lunches with different snacks and candies and salads and sodas. I can't afford all of those luxuries though, so I'm stuck with my boring mediocre food. I'm lucky to even have food I guess.

I take a bite of the slightly soggy sandwich. I really wish I could be picky about my food and complain about the bread being slightly soggy, but I have no room to whine. I take a few more bites, thinking about how all the students around me don't have any problems in their lives. They all have the right to complain about a boring lunch with soggy bread and flavorless water. I don't. I don't deserve to protest about my living conditions. It's not just the food. No, the food is just an example. Only a minute scale of the bigger picture. The truth is-

My thoughts are cut off by the sound of a cheap plastic lunch tray hitting the table in the seat directly in front of me. My eyes widen.

There's a boy, a real person, sitting at my table. He isn't surrounded by his friends. It doesn't appear that he's about to start listing off all of my flaws. He actually looks innocent. He has fluffy pink hair that's slightly faded, and lines around his mouth that I can only assume are from smiling.

The lines around my mouth are from screaming.

"Can I help you?" I hiss.

"You just looked kind of lonely. Everyone needs friends, so I figured you could use one. And here I am." He gives me a small smile. I narrow my eyes at him.

"If you're going to insult me, go ahead. I don't need your lies of why you're here. You don't have to try to convince me of anything. I know I'm an ugly fuckup, just get to the point." I inform unenthusiastically. He furrows his eyebrows together in what I'd assume to be mock confusion.

"Why would I do that to you?" He questions.

"Don't play dumb." I state, grabbing my lunch to leave.

"No, stay!" He exclaims. I roll my eyes, putting my water bottle back into the paper bag. "I'm serious. I'm not here to make fun of you. I'm here to make a friend, I promise. Please stay." He nagged. I look at his face. I suppose he seems genuine.

"What do you want from me?" I ask, settling back down and pulling out my plastic water bottle for a drink.

"I seriously just wanted someone different to talk to. I'm Josh, by the way." He admits.

"Whatever. I'm sure you already know everything about me. Did your friends dare you to sit with me or are you trying to face your fears?" I mumble.

"No actually, I haven't heard anything about you. I don't even know your name. I just moved here this summer." He takes a bite of whatever shit the cafeteria spits out onto everyone's trays.

"Tyler. My names Tyler. And if you haven't heard everything yet, I'm sure you will." I nod towards the table adjacent from us where all the boys there are staring at our encounter and whispering. "Because your boyfriends seem intrigued." I tell him, remembering seeing him sit with that group of boys before.

"It's fine. I want to get to know you myself." He reveals.

I just take the last few bites of my sandwich instead of responding.

"So Tyler, what are you into? Got any hobbies or anything?" He asks through a mouthful of food.

"I don't suppose you'd want to know. Listen to your friends. Some of their 'rumors' aren't rumors." I give him a cold stare, seeing him visibly shrink a bit. The bell rings and I quickly throw away my trash and leave. As I walk past the table of Josh's friends I hear insults thrown at me along with food wrappers.

Luckily nothing bad happened at lunch with Josh. It was getting pretty close though.